Memories and heartache.

Parting is such sweet sorrow: Shakespeare!

It is 400 years ago that Shakespeare died. I just heard that on the news. Wasn't aware of this fact till then. Apparently there are numerous activities planned to commemorate this event. The man and his works live on.

When Freddy Mercury, alias Queen, died the world mourned. When Princess Diana died the world mourned. Michael Jackson, Nelson Mandela...well you get my drift.

To the world these people were heroes, were looked up to. Were considered "special' because they had in their own way ' made a difference' in, for and to our world. Those 'followers' take a moment each year to remember them - their 'heroes'.

Daily, people die. Some close in relationship to ourselves, others anonymous, unknown to us and far removed. Instead of being physically present in our lives - they remain in our memories forever. We can still smile when we recall a shared moment of pleasure- and we can certainly shed tears when the heartache overwhelms us. Grief has so many faces and is timeless.

When my parents died- I felt as if the world had lost heroes- people who had made a difference. I walked around in a daze, feeling numb and bereft. But the whole world didn't mourn along with me - just a small community of people connected to my parents. Many of those I have loved have gone- died through either illness, accident or old age. 

Today is ANZAC day in Australia en New Zealand. A day of remembrance of those who fought in wars - never to return home to those they were protecting.

Many a year I attended these services - and saw the pain and grief on faces now wrinkled and worn. Names are called out, flowers are laid and silences held.

These people deserve a moment of our time - no matter what your thoughts are on war and peace.

I for one will be REMEMBERING them - each 25th April.

Now, back in my country of birth, Nederland, I have included this remembrance date to the 4th of May, when I hang the flag half mast on my home as is the custom here. I don't physically attend the services - but together with my husband we watch the live broadcast on tv.

To give a moment of time - in remembrance to those who have died - is one way to make sure their names and faces live on - famous, brave, unknown and unsung. Our own personal heroes deserve that.

That they may all be remembered and treasured in our hearts.

On this day, back in 1971

On this day, casting my mind back to 1971, I recall becoming an aunt for the first time.

Our family to-ed en fro-ed between Nederland and New Zealand between 1966 and 1971. We arrived back on the 16th of April. I remember that day so well. My sister, married to Lionel and living in New Zealand, was pregnant with their first child.

My mum, youngest brother Paul, only 4 years old and I (almost 18) arrived on their doorstep to stay a few months - while awaiting the arrival of my dad my other brother Lex and our crate with belongings from Nederland. We then would move into our own home. In the meanwhile we were guests in Glendene, staying with my sister and her husband.

The due date of the baby had been the pivotal item in our decision to arrive in separate units- so to speak. My mum was keen to be present and be a help for my sister after the birth of her first child. When my mum had her first 3 children she and dad lived with my (maternal) grandparents and she too had the comfort and assistance of her mum at the times of those births.

18 December 1971 - my very first nephew was born. Not only had i just embarked on a new fase in my life but I had also become an aunt. WOW!!

By being present in the home I was privileged to have had many moments to be able to hold, feed and cuddle this bundle of joy. When my sister needed some time out it was no problem at all to be 'aunty' and fulfill my role as such.

Because of the two special dates - being so close, these 2 events are remembered each year and thought back on with a certain fondness, melancholy and much present JOY!

M J

Happy birthday dearest first nephew. Thank you for my memories. I love you!

Tante Anita

Social Media - how much is too much?

Can you imagine your life without Social Media?

Have you ever counted the hours spent reading messages, replying to them or searching the web for information?

I use Internet every day.

Each morning I have an early morning chat session with a friend. That way I know she's ok- had a good or bad night's sleep and we occasionally exchange our day's plans/planning. It is just like the neighbour who is alert and sees that the curtains next door are open or not! No contact then something is amiss.

I also check for messages from my children- they are up and about while I sleep. My grandchildren- the somewhat older ones have access to Snapchat and send me photos and or messages. Love getting those before I eat my porridge.

I blog - sometimes daily- because I have a number of blogs each with their own theme,  I try to keep my contributions regular and interesting.

And yes, many years ago- I enrolled myself on Facebook. My children thought it a great way to share photos and happenings- and I was asked to join them on this 'new' platform to keep me informed of their activities.

Without realising it- one can spend HOURS online. Chatting, message-ing, sharing your own and peaking into other peoples lives.

I do not only write Blogs, I read them as well.

I do not only have my children as 'friends' on Facebook- but many 'friends' as well.

I do not only 'chat' with one person - but respond to all my friends when they appear on my screen.

I haven't 'timed' my online moments- as I still have time to do my shopping, hang out the washing, do the ironing, cook dinners, bake, wash windows, have girl's nights out, couch sit watching my fav tv programme, read, follow a course and spend time outdoors. I visit friends and relatives, go out for dinner with my husband and have face to face personal conversations with friends and neighbours. And yes, I get my 7-8 hours sleep a night.

With all the comments about spending too much time on Social Media I would like to say - it is all a matter of planning, of schedules and availability. Being sensible- moderating, planning.

Just like healthy eating- make sure you don't 'over eat' by being sensible. There will always be 'over eaters' in either food, Internet usage or other 'too much' categorised activities. Guide the young - influence them by example. Open doors - don't tuck the computers away in dark corners but let it be a communal activity. Laugh at each others funny clips and respect each others privacy. Don't just BE but GET involved. Like watching tv as a family ( which also was something one had to learn and adjust to) so too is being 'online' something you can share.

It was meant to be fun- and it CAN be just that. FUN!

Blogging runs in the family

What a lovely surprise I received this morning.

My eldest granddaughter has started blogging.

How lovely to read her items- so pure and from the heart.

A new way of keeping in touch with her development as a maturing young woman.

It will be wonderful to keep abreast of her interests and impressions.

Hopefully she will continue with this activity for many years to come.

As her blogging 'oma' I hope to see her articles increase in number.

Well done Charlie.

Tears that flow

Where will it end?

When will the hatred make way for peace?

My heart bleeds for all those in places tormented by war

I weep for those maimed and killed

It goes beyond my comprehension

The slaughter, the devastation

How many more lives are to be sacrificed

Women, children, men all targets of a cruelty

I cannot begin to describe

While my skies turn blue

and the golden rays of sun touches the earth

Elsewhere dark shadows spread destruction

Thirsting on power and the blood of the innocent

Horror filled days followed by uncertain nights

The world - being seen as a prize to be had

By a force filled with darkness

When will those dark hearts turn to the sun

And allow the glow to fill them with LOVE

Love and respect- is what the world needs

The WORLD - gifted to ALL - in LOVE!

Today is Good Friday! And it is GOOD!!

It is a miserable weather day today. Drizzly, windy, overcast- sombre is a good adjective to use here.

It is Good Friday! For many 'just another day'. For believers - a day of remembrance.

Like Christmas when the birth of Jesus is commemorated - today we christians remember his crucifixion.

Does it affect our day to day 'doings?' Not sure. For me it isn't a day to go out and about shopping or washing my windows. It isn't a 'dark day' either - but I keep myself reasonable relaxed- my thoughts returning regularly to THAT EVENT which gives it's name to today - Good Friday.

Because despite the sad event - it is GOOD NEWS. Hard for the not religious minded to grasp maybe - but for those of us who believe in the resurrection- GREAT NEWS in fact.

Yesterday - Holy Thursday, we re-enact and /or remember the last supper. Being servant to all. That no-one is superior. That there is a servant in all of us regardless of rank or stature.

Today, Good Friday - a remembrance to us humans that we are worth saving. Worth dying for.

Tomorrow- a day of anticipation. Of grief and realising the loss - of someone we love.

Easter- THE event to JUMP for JOY for. Resurrection - a NEW BEGINNING!
A new opportunity to MAKE GOOD!

To make a fresh start. Hope for the future and new life!

Alleluja Alleluja

Alleluja

Playing the tourist

Holidays abroad, safaris and cruises, international destinations, world discovery holidays!

Half the fun of a holiday is in the planning. The prospect alone is a happy one.

Thing is- those listed above cost the earth, and not everyone has the purse for them.


The other thing is - some people only go FAR to discover the world at large- whilst not actually ever having really seen their own country at it's best.

Don't you wonder why people come to visit your homeland? To see what is is they don't have at home.

The past 4 years my husband and I have been playing Tourist in own country'. Awfully good fun.

The past 2 years a couple (  of VERY GOOD FRIENDS) have joined us. And as a 4-some we criss cross the countryside- taking in all the sights and impressions we lay our eyes on.

And what a lovely sights we see.

Ever done it? No I don't mean that when you travel to a destination - you happen to see what's on the way. But to make the trip the holiday! The hotel is only a place to stay.

First tip: Find a hotel (best deal) in a remote township. Book a night. Don't check out the area till you have booked.
Second tip: Get together with driver and plan route. Village here, side road there- maybe a unsealed one to boot. They are FUN!
Third tip: Make sure there is a coffee + lunch + afternoon tea stop planned. Select the spots ( roughly) weather and traffic congestion set the pace)
Fourth tip: If necessary of tickles your fancy- take a thermos- or two, picknick lunch and some cold refreshments.
Fifth tip: Remember your camera.

No plans yet for autumn, spring of an odd day away... then I say, " Go for it".  Be tourist in your own country en ENJOY!

Content, satisfied, happy

How I wish I could say I start every day this way.

Well I do often start with a smile and certainly full of energy and 'get up and go'. It is just not always possible to hold onto this feeling. Well, not 'not possible'. Let's say I tend to occasionally let this feeling slip through my fingers.

But recently, I have been challenging myself to 'get a grip' on my day. On the 24 hours ahead. On the events that are planned and unplanned.

We receive the newspaper every day in our letterbox. It is becoming more and more unappealing to spending my precious time reading it. So depressive - so downgrading and morose.

The wee bits of 'good news' do not restore the balance. Good news doesn't sell I am told. Bolderdash I say!  My thoughts that is.( see my opinion)  Good news is like a sun in the sky, like a smile from a friend, a shoulder tap to say 'well done'. Good news is knowing life is a gift, a treasure and a place to 'do well'. Good news is something we can all add to. To make, to create, to share.

How can GOOD NEWS be a BAD thing?

While my daughter, son in law and children stayed - at the end of the day the children ( and adults) had to mention 2 BEST things of the day. It was hard to choose. Because a day has more GOOD moments than one can sum up.

Try it - I suggest - even if you are an up and up happy person - try at the end of the day to restrict your ' Good news' moments to TWO.

It is 10:49 am and I already have a long long list of GOOD stuff so I know it will be hard to choose this evening.

Happy - Blessed - Enjoyable and Satisfying day everyone.

MAKE IT COUNT

if not for yourself- then for those around you!

On air

I had the most amazing experience Friday and an even more amazing one today.

It has to do with the radio.

The subject was: Immigration

Topic: The differences

The Interviewee: ME!

Recently I was approached by a radio station - specially for Dutch people away from home ( for whatever length of time or reason).

If I would share my experiences of my to-ing and fro-ing between New Zealand and Nederland.

The point of the exercise being that the interviewer wanted to highlight the differences between home and the new homeland.

It so transpires that I have had ( to date) an absolutely blessed and rich life. My hope is of course that it stays that way for a long time to come.

Back to the subject: Radio Interview!

My parents left Nederland because they wanted a 'better' life for their 4 children. Seeing as I was barely 8 - better was a vague concept. I had all I needed - I wasn't burdened with the things that weigh parents down. So different for me about where I was to live - not being able to visit family and friends and learning a new language.

After 5 years in our new 'homeland' we returned to Nederland due to a health issue my baby brother was faced with. We still returned with 4 children, leaving the eldest behind.

Life happens, things evolve. The return was positive in the sense that my brother's health issue was no longer an issue thanks to the wonderful medical care and solution they offered. Bit by bit- fragmented as it were, we all ended up back in New Zealand. Now all for our own reasons.

I met a New Zealander, married, had a family and enjoyed a good life.

Then life happened some more.

In July 2000 I landed at Schiphol airport for a years sabbatical. Returned shortly after to New Zealand and packed my belongings to return to Nederland- home. Apparently where my heart was and is.

Having just had that interview has brought back many happy and also sad memories- the whys and wherefors and the knowledge that NEDERLAND is my home, that I have a wonderful 2nd home to visit when I see my children, grandchildren and dear friends with whom I have stayed in contact.

Immigration - a world apart- an enriching experience not to be stepped into lightly. Yet an opportunity for all to 'better' ones circumstance. For whatever reason.

Thanks to the interviewer who listened to  my ramblings - an experience I will not forget.

RTVHolland

For Dutch listeners EVERYWHERE

Opinions, pre-conceived notions or just 'thoughts!

Opinion - facts or not

Who doesn't have some? Opinions I mean.

A newspaper article, a tv program or item on the news can spark a deluge of comments on social media these days. Experts, couch potatoes, affected or spectators alike vent their thoughts sometimes unashamedly raw and uncensured.

I do believe in free thinking - but that doesn't mean that one can express whatever - and not take into account how one delivers the message of discontent or other way of thinking.

In my opinion that is!

Opinions are as varied as birds in the air, fish in the ocean and grains of sand on the beaches.
The have as many shapes as the clouds that float in the sky and drift by in the many strengths of breezes that stirs the air.

And it is important to be able to vent these opinions, thoughts, analyses of events that happen daily on this planet. Because most of what happens effects us all. Or at least some of us.

How wonderful it would be to not have an opinion - or would life then be too dull? Too empty and mundane? Always either agreeing ( oh no that is an opinion too isn't it?) or not agreeing - just being silent and 'getting on' with life.

For some reason, opinions tend to evoke defensive retributions and sometimes even hostile reactions. As if one has to DEFEND one's opinion. Because an opinion is just that- nothing more nothing less.

Someone else's point of view....! 

Which is to some like a red rag to a bull

No-one has to take 'it' onboard. Maybe it is important just to be heard. To shed light on a subject from different angle. This enables people to see something from an other perspective.

There are times when it takes 'guts' to voice an opinion - especially when the topic is very sensitive or the consequences far reaching.

Euthanasia

Education

Refugees

Health Services

Religion

High income earners ( in Public offices)

Food shortages

Natural resources

Save the Whale - etc

Become a donor

I live in a country where we 'attempt' to uphold the freedom to voice whatever is on your mind. Publicly and without censure. This, unfortunately, leeds to some very heated debates, discussions and sometimes violent reactions. One of our most outspoken politicians has been surrounded by body- guards since he started speaking, unreservedly, his mind, and on the other hand, not being able to 'take' the results of his verbal outbursts. This has caused some danger to his personal safety - hence the need for protection of the most invasive kind.

Some 'share' their thoughts in a most provocative way causing unrest, riots even. Makes me wonder what their intention is from the outset.

Those that shout the loudest have the biggest profile- are seen AND heard but are they listened to?

I form opinions or a point of view on many subjects as a natural reaction to receiving information that is 'sent' my way via the various options available in today's world.

I don't react to all of them - but am thankful I can be heard without fear for reprisals - other than reactions from those who think other thoughts.

Guess what I am trying to say is - a BIT OF RESPECT goes a long way while sharing our thoughts - which are after all only personal statements to be reflected on.

Not making the time- but taking the time, for friendships!

It is Monday and the weekend is now a warm memory. How lovely it has been to catch up with various friends. Something I like to use our weekends for.

Over the past few weeks we have had a number of catch up moments. I noticed when writing our Christmas cards in December that a few of our friends hadn't received the attention they deserved from us the past year. It highlighted for me the need to 'do it different' this year. To be a bit more alert and pay more attention to those people who brighten our world and add colour to our lives- in their own unique way.

What played a part in this 'neglect' was definitely the over full diary we had - the shift, the trip to my children, the visit from overseas, the new routines, distance and the a few small health odds and sods. So it wasn't a lazy excuse but more a 'too much of one thing and not enough of the other'.

We have finally found our feet, have a few less BIG THINGS lined up and feel more relaxed. Our routines more settled and our commitments less stressful. Time then, to restructure and refocus on what is important.

Friendships - such an important part of life in general. People needing people. Having a place to go to share your story, being privy to other people's stories, sharing memories or making new ones. Enjoying a glass of wine or sharing a meal - a coffee time visit or a walk in the park.

I am aware that it isn't the amount of time one spends with friends - but the level of enjoyment and support one can give or receive.

What recently was meant to be a quick cuppa - turned into 4 hours of sharing and unburdening.

When we arrived for a snack - it turned into a 3 course meal.

A short call to say 'hello' was a heaven sent break in a sad day.

The walk in the park - was a treat of nature at it's best ( and a healthy red nose to boot)

The need for more stamps meant that there are letterboxes received fun mail instead of just bills.

I know it is an unrealistic task to think we can meet up with all those in our 'little black book'. But I do know we can do our utmost to share moments - and make room for those wanting  to 'be' with us, for whatever reason.

I aim to mend my ways in 2016 and hopefully I will be able to say - I am pleased and proud of our efforts this year.

Our friends are the treasures in our life.

There is this dilemma

It took some thinking, soul searching and a reality check to finally realise that for some issues there is no right or wrong answer or solution.

Many of my friends have 'finished' rearing their families and the children have made it to adulthood- some thinking of having families of their own. Some taking off around the world on a voyage of discovery - experiencing both personal and geograhical discoveries and slowly realising where they 'fit' into the big picture of life. And then there are those in the throes of childrearing. Bringing up their children in the same but a slightly different kind of way. The same- they want the best for their child - different because they live in a different timeline with their young.

Sometimes I wonder whether any generation had it easier than another. My parents had their children ( my siblings) just post war in Europe. My parents were raised between the 2 wars. I raised my children between the 70's and mid 90's. One could almost say - the same but different, for each generation.

I know there are some things I 'borrowed' from my childhood. I also know I avoided some of them, not because I thought I knew better- but because I noticed too that times and opportunities had changed and so had society as a whole.

Children ( in general) lived closer to their parents. Immigration and job prospects, cars and better roads have led to a greater physical distance between many a parent and their offspring. Nipping in for a cuppa and a chat session hasn't disappeared but has evolved.

Advice, once freely given, now more often than not - not sought by parents but 'online' or with friends. And when a parent is approached - how do you respond? I know I find it difficult to asses at times. In my situation - I don't have physical contact in the sense of 'popping in' but communicate using modern technics. All a case of logistics.


There is a fine line between meddling, interfering and actually being able to 'give' the right advice.
That is my experience. When in conversation I try not to immediately formulate a response. Not only with my children but anyone who seeks to pour their heart out over an issue that concerns them.

Recently I had such an experience. A loving couple tried to persuade their son not to travel abroad. To wait until he had some more work experience, money saved, maybe go with a friend. All, in their eyes, valid arguments to reconsider his plan. They just found letting go so hard. When I mentioned that possibility to them - they looked surprised. It didn't occurred to them that their negative reactions were in fact a sign of their love for him and were scared about letting go.

Later that week I bumped into him at the local supermarket. Without the son knowing they had confided in me - He started telling me about his impending departure filling me in on all his travel plans. Then his smile faded and a frown appeared - " I feel so sad to hurt mum and dad", he said. "They just don't understand how important this is for me. I think they don't feel I am capable of looking after myself. I keep on getting all these negative messages and they don't get involved at all in the planning. They just don't approve."

I could have made all sorts of comments and pointing the son into a direction - similar to having made the comment to the parents- but I thought, let them nut it out at home amongst themselves. Maybe after a while his parents wil have a change of heart and be happy for him and his leap into independence.

I know from a personal point of view - that I am happy when my children are happy. No, I don't have to raise them' any more, maybe a nudge every now and then- which they are free to ignore should they so wish. Maybe after a while they may notice that the nudge wasn't such a bad thing after all - but it is their choice.

I try to avoid coming close to that fine line- but as many parents know- that isn't always easy!

Children = my children, their partners and grandchildren

You bring light into my life

Love into my world

and joy in my heart.