Reflection

My last blog post was some time ago. There were a number of circumstances why this happened. One technical and a few personal.

The technical aspect has finally been resolved causing me more confidence to actually start up my computer en enjoying the use thereof. Nothing more demotivating ( well one of the 'things' anyway) than trying to use a computer and it not 'wanting' to co-operate in any way of form. Add memory, sort out files and rid one's self of 100's of unnecessary photos and hey presto! More memory, more workspace and no hassles using Office or any of the other increasingly larger growing programmes due to the updates.

The other stuff, well we all have our moments of euphoria as well as dips in our lives I am sure. My mind was preoccupied with stuff that clouded my naturally positive demeanor. I became insecure, unsettled and lacked the confidence I am usually so blessed with to complete some of the tasks at hand.

Funny how 'we' tend to gloss over the down side of our existence. Most of the messages on Social Media are about "happy moments'. Well generally speaking that is. About the party, the friends, the outings, the new job, lover, baby. That the sun shines elsewhere and life is flourishing. I am not talking about those who spend time downing everyone and everything. Those who continue to attack, denigrate and insult others. Obviously for lack of morals, other things to keep them occupied and/or attention they seek, be it negative or positive.

When do you start your day by writing on your page, "Not looking forward to today. A difficult morning at work and feeling the lead drop into my shoes. Maybe I will stay home and ring in sick!" Instead it is, " Slept well - hoping your day goes well too, lovely sunshine today."

What if we were a bit more honest? You see, there are times when it appears I am the only one who has lost the car keys ( because I admit to it), burned the potatoes ( because I admit to doing that) and slept badly ( because I tell someone about my sleepless night). That my administration is a nightmare waiting to be solved, that I forgot to post the birthday cards on time, that my bank account is lower than I would like and I really can't afford to go out with my friends for dinner but DO because I don't want their pity or judgement.

I hardly hear about stuff like that. So I feel inadequate when the sun doesn't shine on my day. Where or what have I done wrong? Am I really the only one with a 'bad hair day?" Well no, don't worry, I am not depressed, I just wanted to use this as a shake up to see if we really are prepared to be honest, to not gloss over stuff and share our worries and concerns. Because at times life is tough. Sometimes that smiley facade just isn't thick enough to stop te hurt, find the solutions or help us through the night. That is one of those moments when we need a friend, when we are allowed to admit to not coping, not managing, not enjoying - some of what life throws at us.

No, I am not advocating filling social media with sad personal messages- but I would like to rattle the doorbell to say, " Call on your friends when the going gets tough. You don't have to gloss over the ripply bits. And if you gauge your friends good enough you will know who to call for whatever ails you. Admitting a struggle isn't weak- ignoring it is. In a time of political uncertainty, job losses galore and unstable financial times, lack of trust in those in positions of 'power and leadership' we need each other more than ever.

Be a friend, be trustworthy, be open, be human. But most importantly- CARE!

Friendship

Almost 12 years ago I returned home to the Netherlands. Not that NZ wasn't a home for me all the years I was privileged to live there, but it did feel different. That difference was quite plain once I resettled myself and joined the daily humdrum and routines of daily life. Two sorts of relationships with two different countries. Yet the same. A strange experience I can tell you. Still baffles me when I think about it.

Last Saturday was one of those moments that emotion was hugely present whilst I attended a book presentation in Leeuwarden, my dad's place of birth and where I spent my adolencent years and young adulthood.

With locals, on holiday from NZ frisians and others we sang the NZ anthem in both Maori and dutch. Tears welled up, goodebumps on my arms my emotions bubbled up to the surface. I felt a strong bond with these people it felt like family.

Last night I watched the soccer match between the Netherlands and Germany. The national anthem was played for both teams. I sang the National anthem whilst sitting on the couch.... Goosebumps again. A strong feeling of belonging like which I experienced the Saturday before.



You could say that I am privileged to have two homelands. And in some ways it is. It is also a heavy burden. My children have a different home than I do. They are welcome here...but NZ is their home. Reece has in some ways, my experience. His home is NZ but also due to the nature of his realtionship, birthplace of Ros, Kirk and Max is Australia his home now... And here will also be home for him should he ever want and be able to visit.

With the birth of Indi, second daughter of Steve and Kylie this distance, this fenomena of " home" is once again food for lots of thought. I know I have a strong sense of belonging here... But that brings with it a strong sense of yearning. Not of regret, but a feeling of whishfulness. Of separtedness, of sadness and the knowledge that " hopping accross that great ditch" not always realisable is...certainly not in the situation at present.

In my heart and in my thoughts I am close to my children and grandchildren. They are part of my day. Although the contact is regular... And I am " kept in the loop" so to speak, I cannot ever get too much requests for skype, for messages, for txts on my phone. They keep me connected and close. They are my life line. Without the contact I would certainly feel allienated. Cut off from what feeds me- the love I have for my children.

Sometimes when I start writing I have no idea what it will be about, sometimes I have a plan. Tonight I let my fingers do the walking- no plan!

Home James

It is 21:15 and the caravan has been returned to the shed... all but a stack of my clothes has been sorted, tidied and put back where it belongs. Started this morning sorting in the caravan, stripping the bed, storing the " titbits", dismantling the awning and getting ready for the ride back. Had our last coffee in the sun on the grass in front of the caravan. Then hitched up and cried " home James and don't spare the horses".

One of the last memories at the camping ground was of last night- I was just going to work on my BLOG when Skype called. Toni and Archie were cheerfully enjoying a morning coffee at Vitro. Unfortunately the sound wasn't up to the challenge but oh what fun we had....even Kermit enjoyed himself. It is amazing to think that I was at the camping ground in Zeeland, the Netherlands and I was connected to and could see others including Archie and Toni in Hamilton New Zealand as clear as day!

To top it off a quick phone call to Steve who had just come down off the roof he was working on. I had read a message on FB that Kylie placed...causing a slight flutter. Steve clarified it for me... and my heart rate returned to normal. Kylie wasn't in labour, just counting down! Her due date has been reached so the birth will be any day now......

Don't we live in a wonderful age of communication possibilities and isn't it weird that there are so many broken relationships due to poor communication....makes one think! Many years ago one could use the excuse that distance was a contributing factor in the poor relations situation. That is no longer a valid argument. There is also a trend to " be honest and open". Meaning " you can say anything". Although I am a supporter of being truthful I also think one has to use discretion and tact not to mention FEELING when talking to anyone at all. Place yourself in the position of the other party and be totally HONEST with yourself, how would this strike you? if this was hurled at you.

Like cooking a meal, if done with love it tastes MUCH BETTER!! and leaves a pleasant after taste.