2013: May it bring peace, joy, happiness and many blessings to all

At present I am sitting at my desk in my wee office trying to concentrate on the jobs at hand. I had a to-do list I want to complete and I am doing quite well. Only right now I am being distracted. It is snowing lightly outside. AWESOME! My day started pretty early and it is getting dark already, quite early in fact. I am having some ' down tools time'.

That's when I start thinking. Mulling things over in my mind. About family, friends, work, appointments, check FB messages.
I just finished parcelling up a package for New Zealand. Four dresses for my 4 granddaughters- meant for Christmas. They didn't get sent in time due to pa's illness and subsequent death. Needing all the time and energy to arrange his farewell. I fleetingly thought of getting them away before New Year- didn't happen. So they are now ready to be sent along with some nick- nak oma stuff.

Mij husband and his brother are at the house, dissembling some shelving and the like. I did n't feel the need to go. Needed some ' down time' for myself. Just doing the normal daily things like dusting, small errands, to the bank, enjoying a quiet cuppa on my own.

No, I am not depressed or anything. Truly. Actually I think I am doing rather well all things considered. I have some new ideas to develop, a new challenge is burbling to the surface. My energy level is returning to normal. Bring it on.......!

The New Year of 2011 didn't start particularly well either. My mum died just after the New Year set in at 01:05. Took some time to find my feet that year.  In 2012 Christmas wasn't a happy time. Still, I understand the rythme of life only too well. It is 2013 and I aim to meet the challenges, commit myself to my work for  A-plus Products , my own company. My goal is to pour energy into those things I value most. My faith, family, friends and business. It is my intention to set aside some time to design and develop a new project. All exciting stuff.

There is so much to learn. That in itself is a challenge. My husband uses his computer for work because he has to. I use the computer because I love to. I want to achieve more independence by learning more of the ins and outs. By attempting things I learn lots- by asking for advice and assistance, I learn even more.

It hasn't escaped me that I am a truly blessed person. The talents I have been given I want to develop further. To share with others what I know. I am looking forward to all that 2013 holds. January has reached it's mid-day already. Time stands still for no one although it sometimes feels like it does.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am keen to get on with life!

Possessions and memories

The past few weeks my husband, brother in law and I have been clearing. By that I mean, everything that was in pa's home at the time of his dying, has been handled by us. Looked at, talked about, unleashed memories or started the discussion - what do we do with..? In good harmony I may add.

In our lounge at home, on the coffee table on a platter are; two wedding rings, an engagement announcement and the Cake wedding dolls, two pairs of baby shoes, two birth announcements. Treasures from days gone by. Events that told the important events of pa's life. We have a multitude of albums with photos and two whole boxes of loose photos that never made it into the album pages. I claimed a small, heavy frypan. Not only because pa fried many an egg or piece of meat in it but also because of it's manageble size. We won't use 95% of the household and personal items 'from home' as we are fully stocked ourselves.

Today was a BIG day! I felt a lump in my throat and a sadness creeping in on me. All the 'smalls' in the home, cutlery, crockery, glassware, linnen, bedding, pots and pans, microwave and even scales and 3 umbrellas left the building.They will be used by others- people starting their lives afresh. Which in itself is rather beautiful as we are sure pa would have approved of this instead of it going to waste.

A house becomes a home, in my opinion anyway, when the kitchen is equipt to feed those taking up residence in the home. A cuppa, a sandwich, two fried eggs on toast, a warm stew, the Sunday roast. The kitchen is often referred to the 'heart' of the home. Last Tuesday I cooked our last meal 'at home'. We enjoyed sitting round the table, a glass of wine, music in the background. Very conscious of this ritual being our last there.

As of today home has become a house we have to empty of its contents. The new tenants have already been appointed and we have been notified. In 2 months time this house will once again become a home for a young family with two children - just like it did 52 years ago. 

Life goes on and rightly so! But..... there is a hurt that still has a sharp edge to it.

Early one morning

Have had this prayer in my possession for years now

It's even on my wall in my ' office' .

Ah, the things one takes for granted! 

I LOVE this prayer - don't know who wrote it but am thankful someone has!!

It has reminded me once again what my priorities are/should be!

Just thought I would share;

and maybe make a difference somewhere, for someone for what ever reason.......

The Difference

I got up early one morning

and rushed into the day:

I had so much to accomplish

that I didn't have time to pray

Problems just troubled about me

and heavier became each task.

"Why doesn't God help me"? I wondered

He answered, " You didn't ask".

I wanted to see joy and beauty

but the day toiled on, gray and bleak.

I wondered why God didn't show me

He said, " But you didn't seek".

I tried to come into God's presence

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

" My child, why didn't you knock"?

I woke up early this morning,

and paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish

that I had to take time to pray.

Our chookrun

At the bottom of our garden is a chicken palace/run. 

It houses our 4 chickens. We have two species and maybe due to my ageing grey matter, I cannot for the life of me remember which sort they are. Never mind. That isn't the reason for my story, or is it? Mmmm..

They came from the same breeder and were in the same pen so we assumed that they got on or at least knew each other wel enough to get on. My husband Leen chose two and I chose two, so 2 x 2.


It didn't take long to realise that these chooks weren't as chummy as we thought. We hadn't noticed that in the large coup they came from. And well, it seems where more than one share a space, there always needs to be a BOSS. A leader, one that gives the go ahead and says, "go on, you can eat now. I've had my fill, picked out the yummiest bits, the rest is yours". That's the way it goes, in a chook run? Well, we kept an eye on things for a wee while. Thought, they need time to settle in, new surroundings, tons of space, different food. Excellent care.

It has been just over a year now. And boy oh boy, have I spent hours observing their behaviour. Whilst 'the boss' is a chicken- she actually wears the trousers and acts like a rooster ( except she lays the eggs). Part two of this duo, due to bullying, is the runt of the group. And totally understandably, has escaped a couple of times.

I actually feed her separately, secretly and on the quiet so that the 'boss' doesn't hear the grain fall on the surface. As soon as I walk past the run she gets all geared up to sneakely make her way to her feeding spot. If she has to pass her agressor, she makes a wide birth not wanting to arouse suspicion. Once arrived she stands there on her -weak in the knees, spindly legs- trembling all over.

Funnily enough the other two just kept to themselves, mindful they could be next. Whilst eating they keep their beady eye on the 'boss' just in case. They try to keep a safe and healthy distance and seem quite relaxed.

The niggly part is, is that the 'boss' is the only chook laying at present. I have dark thoughts about this chook and am not proud of them. Still, I am for the underdog ( in this case chook) and feel even the soup pot is too good for the 'boss'. Bet it's a tough bird!

A couple of days ago we noticed that our wee chook limped. Lookt whispy and sad. We set het apart with food and water close within beaks reach. She can't be intimidated now and has her own safe space to get well.

Lo and behold, what did I see this morning, The 'boss' has found herself another scapegoat ( chicken). Poor thing just skirted around and on higher ground just in time before it got henpecked. Appears the 'boss' needs a target and isn't slow in finding a replacement. A birth defect, in the genes, acquired habit???

I have a dilemma. Do I rid the chookrun of this bully? I am sure that as soon as we allow our wee one to rejoin the group she'll be picked on, the weakest is always the target. Assuming ofcourse she'll get well enough to go back that is.

Well, now here's the thing! This is the story of our chookrun. It sounds awefully similar to stories I read in the paper. Stories in society. Those thinking they have the unspoken right to 'rule' over others. Those who can't bear being 'one of the crowd'. Those who 'pick the best' out of everything, first in line. They are swift, alert, and don't miss a trick. And if they feel cheated or robbed- they hand out punishment, they don't end up in the soup!

I want peace in my chookrun. There is more than enough space, room for privacy. There is space for a gathering. Togetherness, They can sleep apart of snuggle up. When peace reigns, more eggs will follow though that isn't my main concern. Even without eggs - all I want is PEACE on EARTH.

It is the Epiphany today ( Three Kings). The Christmas story has just begun. Let's not douse the fire just yet. Let's stoke it up and let the flames be seen from afar, drawing people to it- together! Let there be PEACE - on everyone's turf!

2013 is upon us

I started this BLOG last year with the intention of contributing a short piece each day of my 60th year. Allowing a select few to catch a glimpse of my daily doings, and for me a record 'on paper' of that special year. What happened: 
For many reasons I didnt manage to add a snippet each day, and;
those select few were just as diligent as I was. 

I  also write with more regularity a BLOG in dutch - my mother tongue. Recently I was asked to translate a piece into English which I had written. 

New Year 2013 thinking- I will now write two BLOGS - for my dutch and english speaking family and friends. A rough translation. Just to be able to reach more people. 

My challenge, and I am as keen as mustard.

For my BLOG readers!

We are faced with a new situation, time without pa. Somehow we will find our way. The road ahead is unclear and a little bumpy. In his memory we are going to make the most of life and what it has to offer. We would be shaming his memory if we did not.

It is the 3rd of January and for many 2013 is off to a flying start. For many a festive and positive event, for others a joyless and depressing experience. A world of emotions apart in expectations and future gazing.

Why is that, I wonder? Does one only experience the New Year on a positive note because of what went before?  Or is it because the coming year may hold disappointments, possible sadness or great scary unkown? Was the tunnel in 2012 that long that the light at the end of it never eventuated?

Whilst I am vigilant for the above, and attempt to experience each day as it comes, I too fall into the 'trap' of -forward thinking- as I call it. Recently my husband, brother in law and I spent a week discussing and imagining scenarios in how we would prepare and support pa (father in law) and how his living situation would need to change once he left hospital. That he wouldn't be able to live unassisted and would have to leave the family home and go "into care".  After a week of planning, brainstorming and imagining we stopped daydreaming. And all because of pa's wise words. "We are daytrippers - people of the moment". 

Those wise words didn't just help us focus on the here and now of THAT time, but helped us see that this was a valuable lesson for every day of our lives. Sometimes one needs a reminder- just to refocus on what's important. To be more conscious of every moment. Not to get too caught up in the maybes. Just let life BE! We all grew even closer those few weeks. Lived more intensely and spent quality time with pa - who didn't need to go into care at all. God took care of him - and we are intensely grateful that pa can now relax and be pain and discomfort free - Forever!


We aren't in the business of predicting. Not the weather, not the challeges we may get to face At best we can only speculate. Have premonitions of things to come. We attempt to prepare for possible things to come. Preparing for an event or happening isn't  a bad thing. But chrystal ball gazing does tend to distract us from the present. It shifts our focus of where we are at. In hindsight - looking back one often realises all the pre planning was in vain. Things turned out differently than expected or hoped. Unforeseen issues affected the pre-thought outcome.

I want to wish all those reading my BLOG a blessed and happy 2013. 

We are: People of the moment- THIS MOMENT- NOW! 

So enjoy- as I will, each day that I am given.

Tenerife- on a high, and then..... down hill from here on in

Our summer holiday turned into an autumn holiday.

We went to Tenerife. What a beautiful island. We spent 12 days enjoying all the island had to offer.

My aim was to write a travel blog about it upon returning home.

But our home coming wasn't as pleasant as we had imagined.

Pa isn't well. Upon arrival back we were confronted with the inevitable.

On Monday 3 December in the afternoon the doctor popped in and promptly called an ambulance, I accompanied pa to the hospital. His body was in bad shape. His lungs, kidney and bladder were struggling, his heart barely coping with the stress of it all.

All of 16 days it took, our hearts breaking bit by bit each day as it became apparent that pa wouldn't recover.

Darling pa, how we loved you, how we ached for you- and how we MISS you.

What a long gap between items

What started out as a challenge has turned sour somehow. It makes me wonder why I haven't been able to keep up writing daily. For certainly lots happen each day- more than enough information to write about.

Oh well, here I am so that's another boost for the moral. I am hard on myself too I realise. Ah well, glad I am as imperfect as I am. Would be too much to live up to otherwise.

The temperatures outside are slowly dropping to an Autumn level. Rain is present most days though not all day long. Just enough to keep the gardens en lawns wet and the washing in the dryer. We have started using our central heating again - turning it on to take the chill off in the morning and on again in the evening to lull us into a slumber whilst the tv claims our attention.

Not that we watch it  every day and all night. Last night we were like flashlights...on and off. I managed to complete a PowerPoint ( an example for the site which I can only place if I upgrade).

Been feeling a bit grumpy, off colour the past couple of weeks. Haven't had much contact AT ALL with the kids. That makes me so SAD and feeling isolated from them. I know, they are busy people - so am I. The days just cruise by. I am conscious of the contact possibilites because I am online most of the time- they have families to raise, things that keep them busy. I musn't let this get to me. They work hard - do their best and their time too is precious and seeing the age of the children, they have their hands full! My task to be more patient and lenient in my expectations.

To catch up with happenings A-plus Products- I have popped a quite number of flyers in letterboxes, upgraded the website ( again) and added a few workshops. I also sent the info on to the digital local paper. I pray - lots! Not in desperation though, but more in asking for blessings and that people are moved to want to come and attend one of my workshops. Next Monday I have my last known pupil....so now it is up to the people to be moved to enroll. I am also re-evaluating my 'working week' and taking up writing again. Not to mention wanting to finalise a few albums ( more than a couple ) that have been in the pipeline for some time.

So work aplenty - no time to tarry, as they say!!

Onward and upward to a positive day with chores completed and satisfaction at day's end.

Workshops

What a lovely space to hold my workshops at. A homely yet professional 'boardroom' with beamer, screen and comfy chairs.

I have seen 3 happy people after they mastered the art of filing, storing, renaming photos. I have seen grins as they placed photos on the pages of their first album. Wow. It may not be a fat pot yet...money isn't exactly rolling in, more like a wee drizzle but the pleasure of seeing these people grow in stature gives me immense joy.

I have two other particitpants yet to accompany on this journey. Once they have finished I hope to have replaced their names with new ones. My next step is to spread pamphlets in neighbourhoods - selecting a number of streets and flats strategically. Also I have an add in the local digital newspaper and am trying to get some titbit info published in the paper version.

Personally I have great faith, hat this will grow and my name ( A-plus) will become a familiar one. I need to sharpen my internet skills so my website becomes more prominent - all learning curves.

To get energised I need to keep focussed on the smiley faces. Some evenings I still tend to drag the chain instead of being busy with the setting up, trying out new software and making the albums on my own list.

The feeling I have when I toddle off to the next workshop event is one of pride and excitement. Now I look forward to an increase in numbers - gradually would be cool - but 6 next week would be AWESOME!

Time to shut down for dinner.... Leen has a council meeting tonight. He is TIRED. Worked all summer getting the collection areas set up, propped up and geared up for next week's annual collection. The tide is out - he is all in. We hope to have a break end of november. So I haven't arranged any dates for then. Will make my next calendar programme ready to publish next week adding other 'flavours' to the list.

Friday 14th September 2012

Inbelievable...I entertained the notion I would write in my diary (BLOG) daily to keep a record of my doings from birthday to birthday in my last year as a record from 59 till my 60th birthday.

Well I can truly say "this was a too big an ask!"

I have been writing though like I first mentioned. In my Dutch blog, on the website I created.

Now to try to pick up where I left off.

Leen and I have spent all summer home save for 2 weekends away. His work kept him cooped up in his office most days, sometimes till 23:00 or later. Thank goodness end is in sight and we are looking at escaping to the Canary Islands - Tenerife, or somewhere equally warm at the end of November.

I have started giving workshops. It is a slow but satisfying process trying to set myself up as a regular service centre for computer programmes. Have had a request for Photoshop already too. Means I have to keep abreast of all the software too - can't teach what I do not know.

The past month has been hectic to say the least. Was also a bit sad not to have been able to visit the kids this year. Bummer!! My wish to have max 18 months between visits looks to be lengthend to 2 years. Shucks!!!! Thank goodness for SKYPE.

Steve is 30 years old! In November Toni reaches the ripe age of 40. Wow, I will have been a mum for 40 years. What a privilege.

A few weeks ago someone asked how my health was - and I have to say that I have been 'ache free' the past couple of months. Wow, congrats to myself I say! I have more energy and feel enthused and motivated and that has been a long time coming.

I will endeavour to dig deep the coming weeks to do a catch up of events so as I still get a record to reflect on later.

The biggest (worldly)  event has been of course the kick off for the courses I now run. The other great change ( or actually not change but renewed activity has been my faith growth and prayer life). AMEN and Allelujia to that! It is all go!!!!!!!

A-plus Products

I cannot believe it. Have I been that busy I haven't written in my diary for THAT long!!?? What a shame really. It means that lots has been happening and I haven't written about it.

Yes, lots has been happening. I recovered and realised - I CAN do (almost) anything. The things I cannot do is only because I haven't tried- or never occurred to me I needed to learn how to do them, or never needed them.

So, what CAN I do. I can teach. I can write. I am creative, I can stay focussed ( am working on that skill-getting better all the time).

Then it was a matter of saying: what do I WANT to do with what I can do. I want to work independantly, from home and at my own pace.

So, I thought, go design your future - well, my working future that is. The future that entails earning my keep financially. Not only to be co-responsible for the day to day running of our lives and home but also to save for the trips to the children and be able to keep supporting that wonderful initiative- Travelight/ Teen Challenge.

I am enthusiastic, keen as mustard. I need to concentrate especially in this early stage, as one only makes one good impression- that is what makes or breaks a venture.

www.a-plusproducts.com is in business folks.

Watch this space. It is a project continually in development

Ideas.... they just keep on coming

I have started on a new project. After my disappointment over a business veture that didn't happen, I regrouped, prayed and sought advice.

I listed my talents, competences and likes and realised that being creative, self reliant and could plan well that there could just be an activity for me as Photo Album creator and organiser.

I have been making digital photo albums since 2005. Started when it first became fashionable. I have grown with the changes in the software and feel confident I have the necessary skills to make a good go of this new venture. It is also something I can keep doing ( even after my 65th year) and hopefully be successful enough so I can manage to save up a reasonable pension and visit my children and grandchildren regularly.

The past 10  days or so I have been delving more deeply into the possibilities, the necessary organisational issues and finding out how many i's I need to dot! I already have a website ( for which I pay a reasonable sum) and this is in the throws of being organised on a professional manor to entice, and inform potential customers of my services, which include the making of PP presentations and Workshops in making albums.

I am excited, enthusiastic and keen as mustard. It has taken me a while to put the 'pot issue'  behind me. Now that I have rid myself of the useless weight I feel ready to tackle this venture with renewed energy.

Keep watching this space.

Sharing memories

Well , who would have thought I would be away this long? Not that I haven't been writing, just not here in my diary of happenings and experiences.

Leen and I went away for a few days. We needed the break and the weather looked promising. A few days away in the MG, roofless through the countryside all the way to Koblenz, Germany. There we met up with some friends and spent some time with them before journeying on home and to oom Teun's farewell.

I was to speak on behalf of the Fijnekam side of the family. But also because I wanted to pay tribute to this lovely man. And speak I did. I had prepared the not too long a talk whilst away. Mailed it and it was received warmly on the day.....

It was a lovely summer's day. There were many local people ( Alblasserdam is a small township and he had lived there his whole life). Those not present were on holiday, some unaware their uncle, friend or neighbour had died whilst they were away. It is summer after all.

How respectfully and well did the boys speak of their father. They honoured him gently, appropriately and not too overdone. Their dad wouldn't have liked that. How beautiful was the poem daughter Hennie wrote about her dad and who he was for her. You could call it a psalm-. There were no prayers said, yet the whole cervice was one of prayer. Of gratitude for the man he had been, for thankfulness that he was ' at peace'.  There was music - a God given gift to those who used it to give pleasure to those who could appreciate listening. Songs of beauty, of splendour.

The children guided their mother through this ritual of farewell with compassion, care, and thoughfulness. It was a serene, touching and fitting farewell.

Oom Teun has met his Maker, and we have waved him on, letting go.

Now all must pick up the pieces and carry on without him present but forever in our hearts.