Lots of the same - lots different.

I have 2 places I can call home. My country of birth where I once again reside, and the country I learnt to call home, where my 3 children were born and was my home for 30 years.

In the country of my birth I have been to primary school, had my first job and have a wonderful group of friends. Not to mention all the family connections. I can visit my birthplace and that of both my parents and 3 out of 4 of my siblings. I celebrate the cultural and national festivities and enjoy a wintery Christmas where hot chocolate, oliebollen and fairy lights spread their cheer everywhere you look. Public transport is a much used asset of getting from A to B - and anything more than 35-50 km away is considered a world trip. However, that traveling a certain distance does mean you may need your pasport as the borders of Germany and Belgium are easily reached. The culinary delights of smoked eel, raw herring, zuurkool met worst, stroopwafels and sate met pindasaus are a delight to my palet. My expanded food knowledge and experiences from my adopted homeland have extended my dishes here back home. Gladly some things have changed and informal visits to friends and family are no longer frowned upon or found to be awkward and uncomfortable - impromptu visits are more acceptable and a welcome change to the formal approach from yesteryear and have improved the less impulsive 'drop in anytime' mentality.

In my adopted home country I also enjoyed the fruits of education at both primary and tertiary levels. I completed a university degree and experienced a professional development which has helped form me and paved the way to a rewarding job. When visiting I can pay homage to my parents by visiting their final resting place, visit family and enjoy the memories of a time gone by. My youngest sibling's birthplace is in the 'new homeland' something that cements our family's connection to the new land. I can visit the cities where my children were born and grew up, I am able to shop at familiar stores and frequent shopping malls some refurbished and expanded but I still feel 'at home'. I have a wide circle of friends- wide also in terms of widely spread throughout the country. I do not however miss the hot Christmases but do miss the ease at which I could acces and walk barefoot along the beach. The bonds of friendships formed are that strong that when we meet up - we pick up where we left off. The scenery between A and B, no matter where one travels, is breathtaking! The changes appearing after each bend. I love the gingernuts my biggest coffee/tea accompaniment "I miss them heaps". I also miss the 'real' brown and icing sugar. The taste and result after use of these just aren't the same at home. Oh and being able to purchase a piece of pork - as large as you like without having to go to a specialised butcher......! Need I say more.

Lots of the same - lots different. I feel extremely blessed to have had the life I've lived so far. Not that it all went according to plan. My childhood dreams haven't all turned out to be how I imagined. Even though I've enjoyed huge highs and joys- the sorrows were trials to battle through and survive. Re-reading this it only underlines once again my blessings and richness of the privileges I've had. The choices, were at times, inevitable given the circumstances and while it hasn't been an easy ride, I stand by my decisions knowing I did the best I could during those moments.

Leaving one's homeland, one's safety net, one's cocoon is not something one does lightly. There are many who have no choice in this - being forced away due to war, drought, famine or persecution. I feel for those being violently uprooted and replanted in a world so alien to their customs and lifestyles. I cannot begin to fathom how lonely they must feel.

Counting blessings

...and we all get them in all sorts of situations and circumstances

Blessings to cherish

My life includes many a blessing. Even in sad moments, and if I was to take the time and courage I may add, I might see blessings which are sometimes hidden behind that dark cloud. When I do see or discover them I realise they are the lights that shine giving hope, bring healing and joy. Funnily enough that light is brightest when the times are darkest. Still, not easy to search for when burdened.

Today I want to share a wee part of my life - my blessing. They were all separate incidents till I completed the puzzle and saw the whole picture. Our blessings are generally connections or connectors - it is a human trait I think to see everything in pieces - except as a whole picture. God works in our lives - our WHOLE lives. We tend to take our life a snap shot at a time. Well, I used to anyway.

The first pieces of the puzzle

"Mum, you are oma!!" It was 1997. My son called from Australia ( to New Zealand) to give me the great news. Only I had no idea there was a grandchild in the offing. He explained after I had rediscovered my voice- " mum I have found the woman of my dreams. She is the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my days with her." After a long chat I learned more about this precious

woman who was to be my daughter ( in law).

She had already been married and sadly her relationship stranded. In her previous situation she had suffered lots of grief. Now was her time to be happy. With my son. And although she was a few years older than he - they were and are a perfect match. I became oma to two lovely young boys and enjoyed the status enormously. I was the envy of friends and the first to reach this wonderful stage in my life.

Two grandsons, ready made. Gorgeous boys. Impish, sweet, sparky, gentle, loving and energetic. I loved them as an oma only can love her grandchildren.

Stage two - happy times met sad moments

"Mum just to let you know - you are to be oma again. We are expanding the family" Oh my joy knew no bounds.

The pregnancy had it's moments. They lived on a farm from the necessary services - but eventually all things settled. Then a dark cloud, my dad's failing health, interrupted the proceedings. I was devastated to realise I was to loose him. Also that he wasn't able to hold his first great grandson- a joyful moment he deserved to have had.

My son and his wife came over from Australia but unfortunately they were too late as the  moment they landed my dad died. Great sadness descended upon us all. My son who had hoped for his opa's blessing for the unborn child and his pregnant wife was truly saddened by his death. His love for his opa was genuine and ran deep. The day after the funeral they spent some time with my mum who embraced them and shared her love with them.

Watching from a distance

Things took a turn for the worse after returning to Australia. My daughter in law had to be hospitalised to protect the baby's well being (and hers). No email yet then, no skype. As they lived far from town - the distance travelled each day by my son was long and the months that followed were heavy going. The two boys were well taken care of - and visited their mum often.

In support I sent faxes daily, messages of love and support which were cheerfully received. Not only by my d-i-law but also by the staff who though this a wonderful way for me to be there - even though the distance was great.

The birth of their son was a happy moment. Not without tensions but all went well in the end. Joy of joys, and a gorgeous son entered our lives.

To be happy and to mourn

On my visits I enjoyed the company of the boys - each having their own distinct personalty. I got to know them better and better. You just don't realise how precious these moments are until life reminds you of it's fragility. The untimely death of one of the boys struck us in the very core of our being. A tragic accident which shook us on our foundation ended the life of Mitchell at the age of 17 in 2010. He may not be around to cuddle but in our hearts he will always stay. No one can take that away.

Déjà vu

Some time ago my eldest grandson met the love of his life - a young mum who had ended a unhappy relationship with the father of her two young children. I told my daughter in law - she was now an oma. Something she now realises how it had impacted on me al those years ago. This new situation made me an omaoma ( this sounds way nicer than great grandmother)

Recently I was told - "omaoma- we are to become proud parents of another child in our midst". Oh more joys and blessings. Life, full circle. Here we go again. My puzzle pieces all used up to make this picture complete. 

Is life perfect?

No, of course not. Oh yes it is. There will always be things in life we would like to happen in a way that fits our perception. No ups and downs, no unknown events or irregularities. Smooth sailing.

It appears that the expecting mum had a wee scare. Extra care is to be taken to protect this new life in being. Tensions because of the unknown events not te be controlled by us mere mortals cause other tensions. But that is no reason not to count blessings. However small or large.

I can now send emails and tekst messages and make use of Skype. Be there in other ways than in person. My blessings are in abundance. What a joy. What a miracle.

...and before you know it, it is Friday!

I can still hear my mum's voice as she says " how the time has flown, where has it gone?" ( and finally enough I just realise I have never heard my dad utter this sentence - not to me anyway). Als child this statement worried me. Unnerved me. Like it (the lost time) might be hiding in the closet somewhere, in a drawer or behind the curtains. Yes, truly.

You have to admit, it does sounds a bit weird- losing time. When we lost something we had to look for it. Now my mother said to have 'lost' time and didn't know where it had gone. Yes, you can laugh. I am a visual person, always have been. Things I hear or read conjure up images. Sometimes very explicit or hilarious images. That I sometimes burst into laughter can be quite inappropriate.

This morning, upon waking I realised Friday dawned 'already. Felt like the week had just begun. Hence the memory and hearing mum say " where has time gone ?" And I still don't know the answer. What I do know is that each day the sun rises, the sky clears and brings with it new challenges. At the end of each day the moon and stars watch over us- allowing a time to rest. each day a gift to unravel, to meet new challenges, to go for gold. To appreciate the gift of time.

My day starts on a positive note and I strive to end it the same. The less successes of the day do not hold the limelight as they did in my past. It was an unhealthy and negative habit to focus on what I had not achieved, had not shared or that I hadn't given enough of myself to others around me. My resolve to stop beating on myself has helpt me focus on the other side of the coin. On the successes, on the achievements on the joys and prospects of more to come. I no longer dwell on what I DIDN'T do but on what I HAVE done. Oh happy days!

"You are getting older " someone said " so it is normal that the days pass quicker than when you were young". Oh, how come, don't I get 24 hours anymore? Do older people get less hours? How old- how many less? I do admit that I take a bit longer to vacuum. But then i am more secure, less rushed. Don't have children to take to school. Yes, I drink a coffee between chores or pauze to look outside. Like I did yesterday. We live surrounded by beautiful nature. Suddenly the Kingfisher appeared out of nowhere, swooped low past my window, around the corner and over the water. He then perched himself on a branch- and I, I perched in the windowsill allowing myself that moment of joy. A golden moment.

Anyway, as I mentioned, it is Friday morning. 'Looking forward to the weekend' a friend wrote. Well, I aim first to enjoy this Fri- day and all it offers. There are challenges and opportunities out there waiting for me to go get them.

A day full of blessings and enjoyment, fun and laughter.

Oh by the way- laughter is good medicine I a told. Here a giggle to fill your day.

What, turn the lights off? Not on your Nellie.
Now the customers think we work for them day AND night!
Understand.....

About being oma- in waiting!

three times three is three times three!

My body is tense- a healthy tension I may add. Any day now I will become oma once again. Oh how thrilling. And the expectations of wanting to know- is it a boy or girl do keep me occupied, although the biggest and most important factor is - as long as all goes well and mother and child are healthy- then nothing else matters really.

Many years ago now- my son rang me and said " mum you ARE oma!". I knew he was in love and in a relationship- but to already BE an oma? What did he mean? Had I missed something? He did live overseas- I could have been kept in the dark. But no, the love of his life ( and still is to this day) already had two wee boys. He had lost his heart to her and them- and he now had a ready made family. I was THRILLED. Loved the idea and felt privileged. A few years later their relationship was blessed with a child together. In him I recognise his dad and also my dad. Family traits are a great connecting factor. It was to be their only child unfortunately... but they were a happy and complete family. Still, life does have more in store than births and joys. This family has had their burden and sadness to carry- and they do it together as one.

My daughter also has three lively, beautiful children of whom I am also rightly proud. A lovely bunch of bubbling personalities in which I recognise their mum when she was young. What a enriching time of life this is- being oma!

Will it be a she or a he?

All focus at present is on the third household- that of my youngest son and daughter in law. Within 3 years they have created a beautiful family with the  arrival of number three due any day. There two wee daughters, both as bubbly and energetic as their parents, aged 32 months and 14 months are wee cherubs. I wonder how they will react to the arrival of their brother or sister? No, we don't yet know what the gender is..how awesome is that?

I can only guess at how hectic the lives of my son and daughter in law will be. I also had three children to raise but the space between the first two and the last one was huge compared to theirs. I had time to enjoy the cuddles, down times, gurgles and giggles. The older two were at school which gave me a huge freedom to enjoy those first baby years. We were also able to keep up the fun things with the older children as they were more independent.

Now that my children have their own families our relationship has taken on another deeper dimension. They now have an insight into me as a mum, not just their mum. Being a parent sheds light on ones own parents. Some traits are inherited, others discarded and others moulded to one's own personality. They raise their children 'their' way. It is touching to see how that evolves.

Not that I get to 'see'  it often. We live worlds apart- and my visits are sporadic not regular. But when I am there, we are intensely involved and I adore being part of their daily lives. Practical help I cannot give them due to the distance- but what I do do, is pray.

For a healthy baby, safe delivery, strength and health for the mum ( and dad), perseverance, gentleness and patience. I pray that this family may enjoy all the blessings and be spared great hardships. I pray for our impending visit and the chance to really be oma in the practical sense.

I pray too, that the birth won't be too far away. That we can all soon welcome this new family member with open arms and ample love!

Oooooh the expectations and anticipation!!!!

Friday 14th September 2012

Inbelievable...I entertained the notion I would write in my diary (BLOG) daily to keep a record of my doings from birthday to birthday in my last year as a record from 59 till my 60th birthday.

Well I can truly say "this was a too big an ask!"

I have been writing though like I first mentioned. In my Dutch blog, on the website I created.

Now to try to pick up where I left off.

Leen and I have spent all summer home save for 2 weekends away. His work kept him cooped up in his office most days, sometimes till 23:00 or later. Thank goodness end is in sight and we are looking at escaping to the Canary Islands - Tenerife, or somewhere equally warm at the end of November.

I have started giving workshops. It is a slow but satisfying process trying to set myself up as a regular service centre for computer programmes. Have had a request for Photoshop already too. Means I have to keep abreast of all the software too - can't teach what I do not know.

The past month has been hectic to say the least. Was also a bit sad not to have been able to visit the kids this year. Bummer!! My wish to have max 18 months between visits looks to be lengthend to 2 years. Shucks!!!! Thank goodness for SKYPE.

Steve is 30 years old! In November Toni reaches the ripe age of 40. Wow, I will have been a mum for 40 years. What a privilege.

A few weeks ago someone asked how my health was - and I have to say that I have been 'ache free' the past couple of months. Wow, congrats to myself I say! I have more energy and feel enthused and motivated and that has been a long time coming.

I will endeavour to dig deep the coming weeks to do a catch up of events so as I still get a record to reflect on later.

The biggest (worldly)  event has been of course the kick off for the courses I now run. The other great change ( or actually not change but renewed activity has been my faith growth and prayer life). AMEN and Allelujia to that! It is all go!!!!!!!