Live, love laugh!

I see this saying, or collection of words on many coasters, wall plaques and even on bed linnen. Many many year sago I had it on my mirror in the bathroom. In the period I was a single woman, starting my new life alone, back in the country of my birth after a 30 year absence.

I had been advised to surround myself with positive messages, images and people to help me pick up my life and feel good about myself. Something I had a lot of trouble with. After 28 years of marriage and raising 3 children, in my mind, I had failed. Failed at motherhood, at marriage at being a daughter. It took some doing to pick myself up and be active in creating a new life, finding my feet and enjoying all life has to offer. The road bent to the left and right, had highs and lows, challenges and successes. The journey isn't over yet, but my word have I come along way. I have to pay tribute to those who stood by me, held my hand, cuddled, advised and comforted me. I certainly didn't do this on my own. And yes, it may sound blasé, but my stronghold was and is my faith.

Why write about this today? Well, maybe as I look out my window, as I read the paper, message with friends and see photos of my lovely grandchildren, I realise once again how lucky, blessed, fortunate and extremely loved I actually am. Everyday there is more than just 'something' to be grateful for.

My life now is such a contrast to 18 years ago when I returned 'home' to Nederland. I spent 11 years teaching, I've met wonderful people, made life long friends, found a new love, am comforted to know my children and grandchildren are doing well, am on good terms with their father, can smile, laugh and enjoy the challenges and blessings which litter my path. And sometimes, it is just important to stop and realise that.

I have  habit of writing down my thoughts to clear my mind, get a better picture maybe of things I ponder on or just generally 'get the off my chest'. Today I felt the need to be thankful - verbally. To publicly say, I do LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH - lots and when ever I can!

Just like in other people' lives, I have highs and lows, gratitude and disappointments. Sadness and joys. All the more reason to embrace life and not waste the time I'm given and make the most of it.

The sun is shining, the sky a pale 'approaching autumn' blue, the trees are sighing a sigh of relief after a blistering dry summer. The grass is slowly turning green again having felt the restoring splashes of raindrops. Schools have resumed after the summer break and we are gearing up to the busy season of autumn and the festivities that lay ahead. It is halfway through September and 2018 has trundled as a high speed train bringing great adventures and memorable moments. I believe there are many people are already planning Christmas dinners, holidays and looking forward to the parcels under the tree. There is nothing wrong with looking ahead - as long a one keeps an eye on the path there, so as not to trip over or miss out on what's happening right now.

Enjoy each and every challenge, be proud, be hopeful and have faith, If not in a God, then definitely in one's self. Life is worth living.

Lots of the same - lots different.

I have 2 places I can call home. My country of birth where I once again reside, and the country I learnt to call home, where my 3 children were born and was my home for 30 years.

In the country of my birth I have been to primary school, had my first job and have a wonderful group of friends. Not to mention all the family connections. I can visit my birthplace and that of both my parents and 3 out of 4 of my siblings. I celebrate the cultural and national festivities and enjoy a wintery Christmas where hot chocolate, oliebollen and fairy lights spread their cheer everywhere you look. Public transport is a much used asset of getting from A to B - and anything more than 35-50 km away is considered a world trip. However, that traveling a certain distance does mean you may need your pasport as the borders of Germany and Belgium are easily reached. The culinary delights of smoked eel, raw herring, zuurkool met worst, stroopwafels and sate met pindasaus are a delight to my palet. My expanded food knowledge and experiences from my adopted homeland have extended my dishes here back home. Gladly some things have changed and informal visits to friends and family are no longer frowned upon or found to be awkward and uncomfortable - impromptu visits are more acceptable and a welcome change to the formal approach from yesteryear and have improved the less impulsive 'drop in anytime' mentality.

In my adopted home country I also enjoyed the fruits of education at both primary and tertiary levels. I completed a university degree and experienced a professional development which has helped form me and paved the way to a rewarding job. When visiting I can pay homage to my parents by visiting their final resting place, visit family and enjoy the memories of a time gone by. My youngest sibling's birthplace is in the 'new homeland' something that cements our family's connection to the new land. I can visit the cities where my children were born and grew up, I am able to shop at familiar stores and frequent shopping malls some refurbished and expanded but I still feel 'at home'. I have a wide circle of friends- wide also in terms of widely spread throughout the country. I do not however miss the hot Christmases but do miss the ease at which I could acces and walk barefoot along the beach. The bonds of friendships formed are that strong that when we meet up - we pick up where we left off. The scenery between A and B, no matter where one travels, is breathtaking! The changes appearing after each bend. I love the gingernuts my biggest coffee/tea accompaniment "I miss them heaps". I also miss the 'real' brown and icing sugar. The taste and result after use of these just aren't the same at home. Oh and being able to purchase a piece of pork - as large as you like without having to go to a specialised butcher......! Need I say more.

Lots of the same - lots different. I feel extremely blessed to have had the life I've lived so far. Not that it all went according to plan. My childhood dreams haven't all turned out to be how I imagined. Even though I've enjoyed huge highs and joys- the sorrows were trials to battle through and survive. Re-reading this it only underlines once again my blessings and richness of the privileges I've had. The choices, were at times, inevitable given the circumstances and while it hasn't been an easy ride, I stand by my decisions knowing I did the best I could during those moments.

Leaving one's homeland, one's safety net, one's cocoon is not something one does lightly. There are many who have no choice in this - being forced away due to war, drought, famine or persecution. I feel for those being violently uprooted and replanted in a world so alien to their customs and lifestyles. I cannot begin to fathom how lonely they must feel.

#1. Memories of my Motherhood moments, first time round.

Memory lane: I have been sorting old photos. Scanning some, deleting others and musing over the rest. Faded memories became clearer, lost ones revived and warm moments relived.

To 'do' something with these memories I have decided to write about my 3 children and the impact their arrival had on me as a mum.

It was 1972 and I was pregnant. Bit young, but I thought I was experienced enough in life to be capable of motherhood and all that it entailed.

Those months of my pregnancy were a challenge - I lived more than 650 kms away from my parents and other family members in New Zealand. And half a world away from those in Nederland. Happily we had some lovely neighbours and one set of parents of friends. The mum was a dutch lady. She became one of my 'warm bath' people. Someone I could talk to, share worries or thoughts with. Those one would normally want to share with a mum. My dear neighbour Val, whom I remember with fondness also a great support and place to go when the emotions got too tough. No internet in those days, we didn't have a phone either. Having a private conversation with my parents just didn't happen.

Oh joy of joys when my daughter was born. I felt soooooo proud, so complete. In fact what I felt was so BIG I cannot to this day describe the emotions and feelings of that moment. Just WOW. My daughter. WOW!

She had huge inquisitive eyes, a bright spark. Her hair had a gingery glow. She was short... little- not tiny but little. Oh I was so in 'new mum' heaven. As I was used to little children having been a babysitter since my early teens, had a brother 13 years younger and my sister had already had her first child, bathing my daughter for the first time didn't scare me. I couldn't wait to truly 'care' for my daughter. The nursing staff were surprised to find the 'chore' done when they came into my room.

Breast feeding was an issue. I tried and tried - and didn't succeed past the first 6 weeks. Topping up each feed with the bottle. A choice had to be made. I switched to bottle feeding. The great part was that daddy could feed his daughter too. I felt quite sad for him all those extra moments I had and all he could do was look on. This seemed much fairer. It is also, my personal opinion, that he and she were able to bond so beautifully. He loved holding her and caring for this new life. We took turns during the night shift feeds.

As I said earlier, a bright spark. Sleep was a useless activity madam decided. It was a long day- being able to finally settle her around 9pm. The short catnaps during the day topped up her energy levels enough to last the distance.

We had a playpen- and she would lie in it at first with rugs and soft toys. It soon became a place to play. At 5 months she pulled herself up on the bars and started 'walking' round holding onto the bars. Yes, I encouraged this. She loved peanut butter sandwiches. I used to feed her through the bars, piece by piece, while she gingerly set the steps to reach the next mouthful. Many a 'expert child rearer' may be horrified at this practice- but what works for one doesn't necessarily work for others. My daughter slept on her tummy, walked early ( wobbly at 9 months and running before her 1st birthday)  and was also early out of nappies.

No, she didn't suffer traumas because of it. She is a well adjusted modern woman and mother of 3 and doing wonderful things in life.

Active, creative, self reliant, independent, private, head strong, confident, daring, challenging, serious, sporty, caring, enthusiastic, vulnerable,  tough, resilient.

We don't always see eye to eye. I can say with all honesty, she runs rings around me as far as activities and challenges are concerned. I cannot keep up with her, nor need I do so. Her life is so different yet paralel with mine way back then. Her challenges seem larger, harder, but times have changed. I am glad I had the moments I've had as a young mum when I did, and look with awe to the challenges spread out before young families today.

My greatest gift was to be a young mum with a daughter who kept me on my toes. My reward is seeing what a strong character she has grown in to be and having the privilege of being oma to her 3 children.

Darling daughter... there are no words to express my feelings and love for you. It is ever present and not a day goes by I don't think of you - so far away and yet close in my heart!