After being so spoilt, having 4 weeks of holidaying and being free from
musts' and have to's it has taken longer to get back into some form of routine than I imagined. I think this was also influenced by the fact that my husband accompanied me on this trip whereas he normally stays home. Now both our routines were put on hold- instead of only mine.
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| Our visit to Terschelling- a joyful memory |
The month November has quickly turned into December bringing with it the memories of 2012. On the 3rd of December my dearest father in law was admitted to hospital never to return his home again. I accompanied him that day in the ambulance- he was so distressed and unsure of what awaited him. So were we, my husband, brother in law and I. We were a close group of four sharing many many moments together. Enjoying each others company, respecting each others differences. We all felt deep down that this closeness was under threat. We were about to loose something and someone special. And that we did. On the 19th of december 2012 at approximately 9:00am pa ceased to be. We were devastated, totally grieved and mourned this great loss- our only comfort being that pa was without pain, at peace and sleeping the gentle everlasting sleep.
The normally cheerful month of December turned somber, dark and dreary. I remember vividly walking downstairs into the hospital lobby, after spending almost 3 full weeks at pa's bedside, wondering how on earth these people, who milled about with Christmas music everywhere and a huge Christmas Tree all decorated up, could be so cheerful on such a sad day. I wanted to scream at them- shout my grief out loud for all to hear- just as I wanted to shout my joy at the birth of my children and grandchildren. Such a huge and burdening emotion! Death - and thereby losing someone you love so dearly.
My dad always said " there is only one thing that is certain in life, and that is death. We will all experience it in due course". And I know that- but that doesn't and didn't make pa's death any easier to accept. Not on the eve of Christmas.... when the world is full of songs that proclaim the '
jolly tidings'.
I am a believer, I have faith and I pray. I pray in good times and in bad...I pray in thanksgiving and I pray for wisdom, for relief from pain and sadness, for others, for myself, for peace- for harmony and for forgiveness. I and thankful to have this faith and opportunity to pray. I also understand that there are those who don't pray or see the need to. What you've never had, you can't miss! Or don't you? I cannot for the life of me imagine what my life would be like without prayer.
Bad things happen to good people too! Having faith doesn't mean you are without life's struggles. It does offer me hope, peace, help in dark times and thankfulness in good times. When in doubt- pray! For guidance, for insight, for support, comfort, sharing a burden or joy. Praying doesn't mean begging. Praying is communicating- with one's God, for me with my God!
Here, December is in terms of seasons, the winter season. Long nights, darkish days where daylight is at a minimum- the shortest day is on the 21st december. It is, for many a time of doom and gloom, of not only dark days but also of dark thoughts. Loneliness and depression.
I have elected to pray this month for light- that lights will shine in hearts. That people will feel the message of hope that Christmas brings, that the joy isn't only heard in the carols but felt in the hearts of those needing the warmth of that light in their lives.
I know that the sadness of missing pa also allows me the room to be joyful and thankful for all he has meant to me and to all those he loved. And in that love I aim to enjoy the spirit of Christmas again- like I am meant to.
December the month of hope, light, peace and promise.
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Let there be light
(Song to be heard while reading the lyrics)
Choose option - 'listen while you read' |
