An unexpected happy event - clouded by an unforgiving heart.
How stoked I was yesterday to receive a request via Facebook to join a family group ( on mum's side) set up a cousin. Photos, history, anecdotes- awesome. I thought too...wow a chance for me to assemble more info for the kids and their heritage. So I accepted the invite and checked out how many other members there were and found 28 already signed in. Looking at the photo gallery I thought it would be nice - for those who aren't in the possession of the family group photo I have of my grandparents with all but one member- to place it. Lo and behold, a cousin mentioned that it had already been placed by another family member. I looked and looked and couldn't find it. Then a small twinkling light began to dawn - . My suspicious were confirmed when I checked the profile photos against the number participants. I have 27 photos and 28 members listed. I have been blocked by a family member and therefor I cannot see the contributions made by that person. My heritage, my photos are not accessible for me because I have been blocked. What is most hurtful about that is that I am blocked by someone in my own family - one way or another I will be able to have access to the photos, but that I am BLOCKED out- disowned! The hurts like no other pain I have yet felt.
I am SHATTERED. Hurt to the very core of my being! Why am I surprised? But I am. I didn't know some-one, especially blood, so filled with hate that this is their reaction. I cannot imagine the size and force of this emotion AT ALL!-
What to do? I made contact with the instigator of the page and explained the problem - even offered to leave the family group! so as not to cause upheavals. I was concerned and felt uncomfortable. I don't want to be the reason that personal vendettas clouded this wonderful initiative. I could only think of one person who would have done this- and after checking I found my suspicions were correct.
Then, before I went to bed, having thought everything through, I mailed a request to have the block lifted. I mean to say, how bad could that be? I do not want others to intervene or even change their view of either party. I don't want this to smudge what was an honest - caring and thoughtful exercise into a family feud online. Shaking from head to toe I pushed 'send'.
That was last night. Upon awakening I lifted the ipad cover with trembling hands - would there have been a response or reaction.
I went on the FB family page. BANG- SLAP- THUMP! Nothing had changed. I want to scream, to cry, I feel such an incredible sadness coming over me. What horrendous crime have I committed to be treated this way? I know that our relationship stranded many years ago in 1988. Since then I have done almost everything known to man to set this right. But to no avail. It is beyond me to break down this wall.
I have prayed about it, cried buckets over it, asked advice on it, left it alone ( or tried to) so it didn't get me down. What to do??? Oh what to do?? Lord tell me - WHAT TO DO?? Oh Lord - tell me what I have to do!!