Monday, 30 March 2015
Am I allowed to be disappointed.....?
Many a blogs of mine have been about the blessings I have received and continue to receive in this life. And believe me, I am more than just thankful for all those blessings.
Somehow though, silly as it sounds, I struggle with the emotion -
It feels so ungrateful.
It feels so ' spoilt child' like.
It feels so not christian.
It feels so greedy.
This emotion comes to play when things don't give the desired result.
I try to approach disappointments with a sense of sobriety- test my resistance to find out why I am not happy- not satisfied with something.
Generally I can 'put it behind me'. Realise that sometimes things don't work out according to 'my' plan but the alternative isn't bad either. Then I shed the feeling and it is a thing of the past.
But some things just stay niggling, stay waltzing around in my mind. Keep me unsettled and messed up. I say - it's ok - but it is NOT!
This problem has followed me into our new home. We have radically upgraded this apartment and are extremely proud and happy with our new dwelling. We have spent some time coordinating colours and style. Chose some new furniture and spent hours stripping, painting, wallpapering, tweaking the little bits and bobs.
For the big stuff we had professionals. Electrician, plumber, carpenters etc. We also needed to replace the windows for double glazing. The kitchen, toilet and bathroom needed a total overhaul.
It dawned on us - this may be our last shift, so let's make sure we make a good job of the interior- it has to see us into our old age and end of days so to speak.
This is where the crunch comes into play.
There are certain aspects that I have trouble with accepting.
And that's where I get all mixed up.
I have had to accept some situations that I know are going to be there for ever and the day!
They are not of my choosing.
And I am stuck with this unsettling feeling of dissatisfaction. How ungrateful is that?
But I am grateful for what I have - just disappointed in the things that went wrong.
It will take time to let them go - to distance myself from that feeling.
I won't, I JUST REFUSE let it get me DOWN or get the overhand.
It is my intention to embrace those things that 'bug' me.
Why is it so difficult to 'get along' with disappointments?