It is Monday morning and I am preparing breakfast for myself. I'll be the only one at the table this morning. The newspaper needs not to be divided into sections and there won't be the normal morning banter about the various topics in the news.
For the first time in ages I am 'home alone'. And it isn't for the first time, but it is, baring any calamity, only temporary.
Due to the stillness around me, private thoughts are different somehow. There are no distractions. The thought I had startled me. Subconsciously I ended up with a short conversation with myself. ALL my choices I ever made had consequenses. Choices are, is it yes or no, left or right, up or down! Black or white, no never that! Nothing is black or white. That would simplify life enormously. Wouldn't it?
Some steps one takes in life just flow from life's moments. They don't appear to have massive impact. The choices being daily issues, the clothes one choses to wear, the meals one eats, the mode of transport chosen. Just in the natural flow. Sometimes these things become mundane and habitual, A mood or person can have influence on these issues so one breaks habits and creates renewal. Making other choices. A new food regime, going vegan. Stopping with alcohol, smoking or taking up a new sport, hairstyle, clothing.
Then there are the BIG choices, relationships, friendships, career to name a few. Married? Children? Travel? I suppose in this time zone we live in it could be said, we have too many options. Was life for our grandparents simpler? Recognizable patterns and expectations? Always baring the exceptions of course.
Some families have bonus children, I have a bonus mother in law. She is 91 and has had her fair share of life experiences to fill a book with. Imagine the world at the time of her birth, 1930! She had a career, a marriage, children. Lived through the war, survived many tragic events and tries to make sense of our modern world, keeping up with the news and current state of affairs. She's well informed and independent to a fault. One could describe her as a "tough old cookie". I admire and love her. She's a true inspiration. Is she easy going? Well that's debate-able 😂! Is she opinionated? Many think so 😂! Is she wise? Definitely!
My choices would NEVER have been hers. I guess the older I get and the more evident the impact of my choices are, the more I have moments of reflexion. The more moments I am confronted with the effects not only on me, but on all those around me. It also gives me more insights into new choices I make.
I've soul searched many a time. No, this isn't an "I regret stuff" post. More a reflective moment allowing myself the space to feel the impact and results of my life's path to date. Sometimes one needs the loneliness and space to be able to do that. Unhurried and uncomplicated.
Do I wish there had been other solutions at hand? Oh yes, but they weren't. At least not ones I saw as solutions. I did what I did, when I did with the knowledge and insights I held THEN!
LIVE - LOVE - LAUGH: Life is short, shorter than you think!
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