The choices we make

 

" That was one heck of a choice I made all those years ago."

It is Monday morning and I am preparing breakfast for myself. I'll be the only one at the table this morning. The newspaper needs not to be divided into sections and there won't be the normal morning banter about the various topics in the news. 

For the first time in ages I am 'home alone'. And it isn't for the first time, but it is, baring any calamity, only temporary. 

Due to the stillness around me, private thoughts are different somehow. There are no distractions. The thought I had startled me. Subconsciously I ended up with a short conversation with myself. ALL my choices I ever made had consequenses. Choices are, is it yes or no, left or right, up or down! Black or white, no never that! Nothing is black or white. That would simplify life enormously. Wouldn't it?

Some steps one takes in life just flow from life's moments. They don't appear to have massive impact. The choices being daily issues, the clothes one choses to wear, the meals one eats, the mode of transport chosen. Just in the natural flow. Sometimes these things become mundane and habitual, A mood or person can have influence on these issues so one breaks habits and creates renewal. Making other choices. A new food regime, going vegan. Stopping with alcohol, smoking or taking up a new sport, hairstyle, clothing.

Then there are the BIG choices, relationships, friendships, career to name a few. Married? Children? Travel? I suppose in this time zone we live in it could be said, we have too many options. Was life for our grandparents simpler? Recognizable patterns and expectations? Always baring the exceptions of course.

Some families have bonus children, I have a bonus mother in law. She is 91 and has had her fair share of life experiences to fill a book with. Imagine the world at the time of her birth, 1930! She had a career, a marriage, children. Lived through the war, survived many tragic events and tries to make sense of our modern world, keeping up with the news and current state of affairs. She's well informed and independent to a fault. One could describe her as a "tough old cookie". I admire and love her. She's a true inspiration. Is she easy going? Well that's debate-able 😂! Is she opinionated? Many think so 😂! Is she wise? Definitely!

My choices would NEVER have been hers. I guess the older I get and the more evident the impact of my choices are, the more I have moments of reflexion. The more moments I am confronted with the effects not only on me, but on all those around me. It also gives me more insights into new choices I make.

I've soul searched many a time. No, this isn't an "I regret stuff" post. More a reflective moment allowing myself the space to feel the impact and results of my life's path to date. Sometimes one needs the loneliness and space to be able to do that. Unhurried and uncomplicated.

Do I wish there had been other solutions at hand? Oh yes, but they weren't. At least not ones I saw as solutions. I did what I did, when I did with the knowledge and insights I held THEN!

LIVE - LOVE - LAUGH:  Life is short, shorter than you think!

Live, love laugh!

I see this saying, or collection of words on many coasters, wall plaques and even on bed linnen. Many many year sago I had it on my mirror in the bathroom. In the period I was a single woman, starting my new life alone, back in the country of my birth after a 30 year absence.

I had been advised to surround myself with positive messages, images and people to help me pick up my life and feel good about myself. Something I had a lot of trouble with. After 28 years of marriage and raising 3 children, in my mind, I had failed. Failed at motherhood, at marriage at being a daughter. It took some doing to pick myself up and be active in creating a new life, finding my feet and enjoying all life has to offer. The road bent to the left and right, had highs and lows, challenges and successes. The journey isn't over yet, but my word have I come along way. I have to pay tribute to those who stood by me, held my hand, cuddled, advised and comforted me. I certainly didn't do this on my own. And yes, it may sound blasé, but my stronghold was and is my faith.

Why write about this today? Well, maybe as I look out my window, as I read the paper, message with friends and see photos of my lovely grandchildren, I realise once again how lucky, blessed, fortunate and extremely loved I actually am. Everyday there is more than just 'something' to be grateful for.

My life now is such a contrast to 18 years ago when I returned 'home' to Nederland. I spent 11 years teaching, I've met wonderful people, made life long friends, found a new love, am comforted to know my children and grandchildren are doing well, am on good terms with their father, can smile, laugh and enjoy the challenges and blessings which litter my path. And sometimes, it is just important to stop and realise that.

I have  habit of writing down my thoughts to clear my mind, get a better picture maybe of things I ponder on or just generally 'get the off my chest'. Today I felt the need to be thankful - verbally. To publicly say, I do LIVE LOVE AND LAUGH - lots and when ever I can!

Just like in other people' lives, I have highs and lows, gratitude and disappointments. Sadness and joys. All the more reason to embrace life and not waste the time I'm given and make the most of it.

The sun is shining, the sky a pale 'approaching autumn' blue, the trees are sighing a sigh of relief after a blistering dry summer. The grass is slowly turning green again having felt the restoring splashes of raindrops. Schools have resumed after the summer break and we are gearing up to the busy season of autumn and the festivities that lay ahead. It is halfway through September and 2018 has trundled as a high speed train bringing great adventures and memorable moments. I believe there are many people are already planning Christmas dinners, holidays and looking forward to the parcels under the tree. There is nothing wrong with looking ahead - as long a one keeps an eye on the path there, so as not to trip over or miss out on what's happening right now.

Enjoy each and every challenge, be proud, be hopeful and have faith, If not in a God, then definitely in one's self. Life is worth living.

Life is all about...

( I was cleaning up some files when I found this unposted blog and am now trying to recapture it's essence. Seems a pity to not finish what I started a few months ago.)

.. yes, life is about what exactly?
I have mentioned my thoughts on the subject before and it appears to be a reoccurring theme: Why are we here, how are we meant to 'be', to live, to behave?

Life, as we know it. We are born, spend a number of years on this planet and then, the only certainty that we have in life, is that we die. We don't have, wel at least not in general terms, a timetable or schedule of events as for when they are to happen. There isn't a clear timetable. We are but mere dots on a very long historical and eventful timeline.

We experience our childhood, grow into adults, select a path as adults to travel as either single or married person. We have/ or don't have children. We work towards retirement ( hopefully) and some of us look forward to the (possible) grandchildren.

Our working experiences, which enables us to finance our lives, also equips us with life's lessons and other talents.

Some write a 'Bucket List' - you know, about the things one still wants to do before one 'kicks' that proverbiaal bucket. I am not a 'bucket list' type of person. I hope my every day is one worthy of a listing on it's own.

Some burn all boats, sell up and live a nomadic existence so as to purge oneself of all possessions and be 'free' of all burdens. My personality needs stability. A place to rest and feel safe and familiar in.

Some just live from day to day, following a pattern of work, eat sleep - occasional play and repeat that pattern which gives regularity to their existence. Not doing anyone, or anything for that matter, any harm. Live a sheltered life, being of no nuisance to anyone, at the same time not having any connection either with those around them. During my early childhood I was quiet and in the background. I did need people though so found my voice. In a crowd or at a large gatehring, I tend to shuffle to the background. Best in the kitchen!

And then there are those with a mission- a mission in life that gives them their sense of purpose. Those who give unselfishly of their time- the time they have been given to BE someone to someone. Those who serve - in any way or form in society to help those less fortunate in either or both physical or emotional means. They have analysed, discovered or identified a just cause or personal quest to fulfill. These people captivate me. I have an immense respect and admiration for the go-getter, the do-er. Find them inspiring and motivating. My contributions however are tiny and in no way match the 'missionaries' amongst them.

In my circle of friends, people I know and mix with, I recognise all these described personalities. Some are even combinations of the afore mentioned. A colourful, interesting and valuable asset which brings in turn, colour to my life.


Life, daily routines, unexpected surprises, adventures to be had, solutions to find, memories to make. Is our road predestined? Is our future already designed and waiting to be lived? Do our challenges match our abilities even before we meet them?

I guess we can all analyse and explain ( or not) what life means to us individually. The outcome may be as diverse as the one I've painted above. Maybe we aren't meant to define life at all- but live it to the best of our ability, grow, learn, improve, challenge, enjoy, achieve, fall, stand tall and be grateful.

I guess the story about the seed says it all. If we choose to grow we need to place ourselves in positions in life to do just that. The experiences and learning moments add fertilizer to our lives enabling us to grow some more.

Should we choose anonymity, a quiet withdrawn and colourless life- we will not achieve the heights we may have been destined for. We may wither away, or be that beautiful flower hidden behind that lush green bush.


A bit deep for a Sunday afternoon, while the sun is creeping in onto my desk...caressing my arm and begging me to come outside and enjoy the fresh air.

I will take this invitation to enjoy those rays. Leaving you, my blog reader, to ponder on how you see your life and to what purpose you may or may not be called. I love life, find it enthralling, challenging and most enjoyable. I wish the same for you.

Sunset and what went before.

Today is the 30th November 2016. As the hours fade, the 1ste of December quickly approaches as does the end of 2016.

I don't know what sort of year you've had, but mine was very unsettled, full, enjoyable. messy, uncoordinated at the best of times and also rich in blessings and memorable events.

For some reason I seem to have organised times and totally 'free wheeling' times when a routine is as far away as the moon. This affects my writing process as well as my drive to be consistent - even though the thoughts, feelings and urge to write are there. Somehow I just don't push myself enough to 'get things done'. Not chaos in my life but also no structure. And I guess I am not alone. The unsettling events that occasionally rear their heads and cause ripples in my being have played havoc with me these past months.

As our days shorten ( northern hemisphere) and the nights lengthen I look back with a nostalgic glance at all that has been- and look with glad anticipation to what is to come.

It would be foolhardy and naive of me to think there will be no bumps in the road and I am always aware that everyone has their burden of sadness, joy or sorrow. My humble opinion is, that it is how we 'carry' ourselves during these times, which shapes our lives and strengthens our ability to cope. When I look around me at those less fortunate than I - I see courageous, strong and positively inclined individuals conquering their sadness and adversity and soldiering on. Being not content with their lot, but grateful whilst they re-initiate their energy and commitment to carry on.

As I stated, it has been a year of ups and downs, of struggles and conquests, of dreams and disappointments- and for all that I am grateful.

The sun is setting on 2016 and I am enjoying the view. Slowly the skies are turning red, darkish and purple. The moon is taking it's task over from the sun, the stars are raring to sparkle in the frosty sky and I am in the privileged position to be able to take it all in and revel in the beauty of all that is happening around me. I feel and know that I am, blessed.

No, I am not going to wish you a good 2017 yet..there is time and space for more things to come.

Live for today, cherish yesterday and be eager for what tomorrow will bring.

Times, yes they are (forever) a changing!

One of my favourite past-times while living in New Zealand was walking barefoot on water's edge on the beach. I was very fortunate to be able to spend many a weekend in a batch owned by friends. They gave me the freedom to spend time there whilst I was going through a very rough patch. The waves, the fresh air, the stiff breeze and the possibility for quiet reflection all helped bring some relief in my heavy heart and clouded brain.

Whilst on my walks I would be mesmerised by the waves, sometimes fierce and powerful, sometimes timid and almost silent. But never ending! They lapped around my feet and they never stopped - but changed in size and shape constantly. Looking at them, no staring actually, it was almost tiring thinking  and knowing that they never stopped ( it would be disasterous if they should). It comforts me to know that the waves keep on coming and it enthralls me that they are forever changing in shape, form and character.

The waves, like my thoughts kept on keeping on. Relentlessly, tirelessly and without pauze. I felt at one with those waves.

For me it was the water that captivated me, for others it are the clouds or the stars. The same yet always in motion, changing at each blink of an eye. Comforting yet mysterious.

So too life. It captivates, evolves, situations forever changing. Life for me has changed once again. New location, new challenges and new possibilities. The waves in my life too sometimes a rough ride, sometimes a smooth glide across the ocean of life. It still enthralls me, captivates me and challenges me to make the most of what life has to offer- no matter which beach I am on. Every wave counts.

I think this is also a reflection of the story when the apostles were in the boat and Jesus slept. A storm arose and the waves threatened to engulf the small boat. The apostles panicked and woke Jesus.  As a parable it has a strong message. When a storm in my life happens - calm is of the essence and in knowing I don't have to struggle on my own, gives comfort, insight and courage. The waves will be tempered and the calm will return - when wisdom is sought and I make the right choices. I don't have to fight the battle on my own.

Enjoy your walk, your beach, your stars, your clouds and most of all, enjoy the challenge of change.