One month on

 

Where did June go?I didn’t expect that. My goal was to write 2-3 posts per month.  Time has flown! How did that happen?

Last month, almost all of the restrictions were removed by the government. Everything, well almost everything was made possible again. We could 'go all out'! Are my days now completely filled with trips, outdoor activities and a full diary? It might seem that way. Because while the world had shut down, I had more time for reflective activities including writing.  Now that  I can do more, do I? Am I ‘going all out' and catching up on lost time?

Well, no. I do venture 'into the outside world' more often". I have been spotted in the supermarket. However, only during very quiet periods. It is less busy at midday. Also round 9 am there are less shoppers around. During my husband's absence, he went on a solo camping trip, I was forced to go shopping and I'm starting to get back into the flow.

I also went with a friend by train to Den Bosch. It wasn't very busy there. A comfortable ‘crowd’. We also had plenty of space in the train. We shopped. Bought clothes. Both a bit tired of what hung in our closet. Because I take quite a lot of photos and make videos, I can see how long I have worn certain clothes. Not that this is a bad thing, because some items you never want to get rid of, but it was about the discarded pieces that ended up on a hanger in the back of the wardrobe.

We went  out for dinner recently. Yes. In a real restaurant. The staff still wore masks which I really appreciated. And we had a digital menu pad. We could order everything ourselves. Including the drinks. One of the positive developments I feel.

I played tourist in my town and did a city tour. A Street Art walk that had been on my list for a while. And, not unimportant to mention, we had our first dinner guests at home. That was great. A breath of fresh air. Liberating! I had missed cooking a 5 course dinner- challenging though it can be.

My lack of taking time for writing was more about getting used to the new 'normal'. Also gaining some interesting experiences. Seeing how I could rediscover myself in it. Hugging someone has not yet happened. I still keep my distance. Wash hands, be careful. Keep things clean and aired at home and stay alert. I think it's pretty much imbedded in me now.

The past 18+ months have been difficult. Difficult in the sense of our lives turned upside down. No, not by having had corona  within our immediate circle of family and friends. Though we experienced too many losses. Elderly family members who passed away. Two cousins, aunts, uncles a dear friend. No physical goodbyes. Grief at a distance you might say. The imposed but inevitable and inescapable measures had an impact on my mental toughness. A challenging situation that will continue for a while because of the still imposed restrictions and not being able to go to my children. That hurts- a lot! Pretty hard actually. I need to be strong and hang on a little longer. 

It is not only the youth who have been limited in their actions. All groups have suffered in their own way and still do. We'll have to have patience for a while longer. Patience to discover and see what our world will look like. Patience to process the consequences of the past few months. Patience to feel safe when we get back to being around people. Groups, large and small. Uncomfortable for many. Have patience! Everyone! Have compassion for each other. We are in this together!

Dearest sister

It was the 5th of the 5th 1950 the day you were born and became your parents', Jan en Johanna, eldest daughter. I still have a couple of photos of you and Peter, our older brother. Jou were as pretty as a picture with those blond curls and smiley face. It took 3 years till I was born when you became my older sister. I was the second daughter.

And then there were 3

We shared a room together. I had a small twin bed against the wall of our parents bedroom. You slept under the window. During the winter months you crept into bed beside me due to the ice flowers on the window- it was so cold then without central heating. I remember times when you wanted to test whether or not I was asleep. You would pinch my nose closed till I gasped for air. Just a childhood prank. Quite natural behaviour for siblings.

As my older sister, it was often your responsibility to watch out for me. Especially seeing we went to school by train and had to walk a distance from the railway station. We had an ok relationship - you were my sister, and that was that. No nonsense. We behaved like the average family with 4 children, in fun, friendship, teasing and irritating each other as we grew up and found our way in life as children do.

Family pose

I remember how proud you were when I ' grew up and became a woman'. I also remember you opening your home to mum, baby brother and me when we returned to New Zealand. You were about to give birth to your first born. Very generous.

Together we started our families. It was always a bubbly busy time when we visited our parents together.

We shared many experiences in life. Unfortunately our relationship stranded many years ago. It continues to cause me grief and I miss having a sister. I miss sharing chit chats about our grandchildren, how I would have loved sharing those with you. I would have loved to meet your husband and visited you at your home. I would so have loved to.......

A grandchildren's
visit to oma and opa's place

What cannot be altered, and I am glad it can't be, is that we ARE sisters.

Dearest sister, I love you. Today is your birthday and I think back on our times together. Who knows what the future holds for us. I live in that hope!

All my love,
Your only sister