One month on

 

Where did June go?I didn’t expect that. My goal was to write 2-3 posts per month.  Time has flown! How did that happen?

Last month, almost all of the restrictions were removed by the government. Everything, well almost everything was made possible again. We could 'go all out'! Are my days now completely filled with trips, outdoor activities and a full diary? It might seem that way. Because while the world had shut down, I had more time for reflective activities including writing.  Now that  I can do more, do I? Am I ‘going all out' and catching up on lost time?

Well, no. I do venture 'into the outside world' more often". I have been spotted in the supermarket. However, only during very quiet periods. It is less busy at midday. Also round 9 am there are less shoppers around. During my husband's absence, he went on a solo camping trip, I was forced to go shopping and I'm starting to get back into the flow.

I also went with a friend by train to Den Bosch. It wasn't very busy there. A comfortable ‘crowd’. We also had plenty of space in the train. We shopped. Bought clothes. Both a bit tired of what hung in our closet. Because I take quite a lot of photos and make videos, I can see how long I have worn certain clothes. Not that this is a bad thing, because some items you never want to get rid of, but it was about the discarded pieces that ended up on a hanger in the back of the wardrobe.

We went  out for dinner recently. Yes. In a real restaurant. The staff still wore masks which I really appreciated. And we had a digital menu pad. We could order everything ourselves. Including the drinks. One of the positive developments I feel.

I played tourist in my town and did a city tour. A Street Art walk that had been on my list for a while. And, not unimportant to mention, we had our first dinner guests at home. That was great. A breath of fresh air. Liberating! I had missed cooking a 5 course dinner- challenging though it can be.

My lack of taking time for writing was more about getting used to the new 'normal'. Also gaining some interesting experiences. Seeing how I could rediscover myself in it. Hugging someone has not yet happened. I still keep my distance. Wash hands, be careful. Keep things clean and aired at home and stay alert. I think it's pretty much imbedded in me now.

The past 18+ months have been difficult. Difficult in the sense of our lives turned upside down. No, not by having had corona  within our immediate circle of family and friends. Though we experienced too many losses. Elderly family members who passed away. Two cousins, aunts, uncles a dear friend. No physical goodbyes. Grief at a distance you might say. The imposed but inevitable and inescapable measures had an impact on my mental toughness. A challenging situation that will continue for a while because of the still imposed restrictions and not being able to go to my children. That hurts- a lot! Pretty hard actually. I need to be strong and hang on a little longer. 

It is not only the youth who have been limited in their actions. All groups have suffered in their own way and still do. We'll have to have patience for a while longer. Patience to discover and see what our world will look like. Patience to process the consequences of the past few months. Patience to feel safe when we get back to being around people. Groups, large and small. Uncomfortable for many. Have patience! Everyone! Have compassion for each other. We are in this together!

Onward and upward- TRUST and no regrets!

" Do you have any regrets? You know, like coming back here ( Nederland) to live?" Well, I was somewhat taken aback by this question. It came out of nowhere, or so it seemed. Apparently not. My friend said she had been thinking about it lately as I am preparing for another trip "Down Under' to see my children, grandchildren en friends. It set her thinking maybe I regretted my return home.

Regrets: Things one wished, in hindsight, one hadn't done.

How can you have regrets? Day to day decisions are made with the insights held at that very point in time. Whether the picture is clear or misty, it is all you have to decide on whether or not to proceed with whatever issue you are dealing with. Be it small, be it large and life changing.

I could instantly answer my friend. NO! Because I did what I did, decided what I decided with all the necessary insights of THAT moment and at that point in time. I do not have a crystal ball. Thankfully.

At the start of this year I selected a word, something I was going to consciously think about and focus on. The word is TRUST. ( Trust blog dec 2016)

Not only do I have a need to be able to TRUST those around me but also I need to be able to TRUST myself.

Our elections have been and gone- and just like in the states, there were plenty of media moments in which we were goaded into thinking no-one ( leaders, politicians) were to be TRUSTED. That terrible things might happen if we didn't show our discord by placing, preferably that is, votes that showed our dissatisfaction, our distrust and our disappointment in the leaders of the past 4 years.

It was, in my opinion, an anti campaign. Without TRUST.

I do not have the insights or qualifications to rule our country. Nor do the thousands that crowded the Social Media pages with their negative statements and curses pointed at those who spent the past 4 years working towards a more stable, financial and safe time.

I need to TRUST that those who do think they have something to offer, DO have those qualities. NOT just for little ol' me, but for the country as a whole. I am not alone in this world. Many are worse off than I am- and yes, I would also like to feel that 'things' like purchasing power, job prospects, good education and health care are at the forefront of those entrusted with the tasks thereof. I need to TRUST that this is why they choose do what they do and I don't.

Looking back is only useful if you learn from the experiences you had on the road just travelled. New insights are a given every day. Don't waste energy on the past- except to learn from it, cherish memories and be grateful.

Today, a new day. To TRUST that what I decide to do today is what is needed to feel successful, satisfied and content.

The past couple of months I have completed a few tasks that have been 'laying in wait' for a long time.

I feel a sense of relief, pride and satisfaction. Do I regret not having done these chores sooner? No, because for whatever the reasons, they were valid, contra productive and disruptive. Now I had a clear run, enjoyed the tasks and am pleased and proud of the results. My 'to-do' list isn't empty, but every tick in the box is a success story!

I TRUST you will have a nice day- I know I aim to!

Changes can, generally speaking, be unsettling

The saying, " a change is as good as a rest" isn't always as restful as one might imagine.

We human beings are creatures of habit, of rituals and routines. We like to know what the day or event has in store for us. At least have some indication of what we might expect. And of late,  that isn't always as clear as we would like it to be.

Take changing jobs for instance, shifting house, country or lifestyle. In this changing world where most things have become unpredictable as far as long term is concerned. Where marriages hardly last the distance, where gold watched are no longer handed out after 25 years of faithful service, where shops come and go, there isn't much that holds promise for longevity - except for us humans. We live longer in a more unstable world.

Events world wide are splashed on screens and in newspapers and reach our ears sometimes before the storm has died down, dust has settled or embers are smoldering. And before the news is old and cold- a new disaster reaches our ears and eyes. And I haven't even mentioned political unrest and abhorrent offences against human beings.

My last blog was about TRUST- the trust we have lost in so many instances. In people close to us, in friendships, in promises, in politicians, in those who have been elected to guide and protect us.

What I would like to see happen, is that we ourselves become that reliable factor in the lives of those around us and in our own lives. That stability and the comfort and security that it brings those around us, also ourselves, helps restore some of this unrest in us as a people. That we know that we can count on ME, YOU and the OTHER PERSON.

Somewhere, some how we have become restless, insecure and indecisive. It has become harder to hold onto a decision we have made - we dither in uncertainty. This reflects in all we do. Our 'leading examples' our ' heroes' from yesteryear have vanished or at best have become invisible or unreliable to many.

Time to turn the tide. I am an Optimistic Realist/ Realistic optimist. I believe people CAN bring about the right sort of change of which we all can benefit.

I believe we are more resiliant than we believe ourselves to be.

It is January 2017. Let's make it a TOGETHER and TRUSTWORTHY year! Let's fulfill promises, offer assistance to those needing our support and reach out from within.

Trust or disillusionment, hope or despair

" Did you watch tv last night? That programme about how unsafe internet is. I think it was called " big brother is watching you - not sure, but that was the message. Quite scary really."

I was having lunch with a friend recently. We were at a lovely little cafe, busy but relaxed. Nice atmosphere, safe, trendy and welcoming. Somehow, the urgency in which our neighbours at the opposite table were conversing, didn't quite fit the scene. This is where I come to relax and enjoy some time out. And for some reason because of the contents of their conversation, tension had gathered around them and I could feel the anxiety that the young woman exuded. I wasn't going to let it spoil my lunch but did let my thoughts run riot.

My companion also caught the tail end of the conversation, looked at me and said, " oh yes DID you watch it too? It was quite revealing. Glad I am not caught up in all that stuff. No digital anything for me thank you." I mentioned to her that she used Whatsapp, Skype and FaceTime not to mention Google for email. I left her to think that through- and get the feeling she may go through life 'phoneless'! I detected a feeling of DISAPPOINTMENT settling on her. Life is full of uncertainties and insecurities is her final analyses. This reality wiped her good mood away and doom and gloom showed on her face. Our conversation lost its happy and bubbly content. No matter what I said- her mood had shifted to a PONDER! Hence my BLOG content.

Who do we TRUST - or more to the point Who CAN we trust?

Is BIG BROTHER interested in my Internet lifestyle then;
Are my emails interesting reading material?
Do my phone calls make enjoyable eavesdropping?
Are the sites I visit interesting? Who cares whether I like cooking?
Do I get more readers on my BLOG?
Do the number of connections I have on FB make me the envy of those who have less contacts?
Although my bank has a safety net and offers protection - do I need to worry who sees how much ( or rather how little) I have in my bank account?

And then on the ' real life' side of things. Not on internet but in the here and now. In our countries. The events of the past months have highlighted many twists and turns of people in leadership positions. Promises made - promises broken. Yesses turned into Noes and dreams into nightmares. Positives thoughts crushed into negative realities. Who can we TRUST if not those enTRUSTed with the leadership over our countries. In decision making positions of which we are all dependent. Taxes, safety, work and income, relationships with other nationalities ( formal and informal) trade agreements, global and closer to home. All ingredients for a secure and safe existence.

The thing is - deceit and unreliability are fast gaining momentum. Now is the time to turn the tide. The solution lies within our own grasp. All change must come from ones' self. If I want to create a trustworthy situation- then I must start with myself. The more TRUST I show and portray- the more people will regain that feeling. Every step is one on the road to recovery.

I took inward look and realised that there have been moments that I didn't fulfill my own promises to others. Not on a daily basis but it has happened. Not through ill will but circumstances- but none the less- I have appeared and become untrustworthy in some situations and I so regret that.

Recently a BLOG friend asked - what word would you choose to focus on in 2017 so that at the end of the year you might feel that you made a difference? I have chosen -

TRUSTWORTHINESS

It is my intention to be more aware of the pitfalls of broken promises. Of unfulfilled commitments.
I want people to regain their faith in me - that when I say YES or NO that I follow up on that promise. That I can once again look myself and others in the eye and say, " you can rely on me - you can TRUST me.

In doing so I hope that others too find the courage and energy to do the same.

We need TRUST, HOPE and the total COMMITMENT from ourselves and those around us - to make this world a better place to live in, enjoy and tend. For it is our responsibility - each and everyone of us, to live up to that which we ourselves hold dear: TRUST in EACH OTHER. We can always find fault with others and overlook our own failings...

Let us all work together to restore that which is ( almost) lost to us. Before it is too late.

Which word would you choose to honour the coming year?

The encounter - part VII

...And what a talk we had! All issues passed the revue. Once we had agreed on a number of points and decided on a  new tact- my husband went outside, barefoot and all and pulled the for sale sign out of the garden, placed it on the terrace and said, " now let's have that drink. Gee that feels good!"

We have decided to take a step back and let the plans to shift go for the time being. We know and are realistic enough to understand the need for 'something'  which needs to happen to secure our future. Whether is be move, find a new form of income, or whatever- we need to 're-group' and take a step back. The past 3 years have brought many chances and challenges our way. We need some quiet time, some sober and clear headed time to get a clearer picture of ' what next Lord!"

Am I relieved? Well, it is a bit early for that. I am really pleased that my husband has finally relaxed some and that is surely worth something. Yes, there are many of life's 'issues' at hand but I will peace with those also. Space to have the opportunity to do what is appropriate and right for us.

And if you think- oh now all her ills will have disappeared too! Then think again. I still felt drained, squeamish, sore and ached all over. It will take some time to re-settle my mind as well as my body. It has been a rough ride.

A few days have since passed. My body is getting stronger and my mental state has improved no end. I did go for the medical checkup everyone advised me on- and yes, my fears were grounded. The kidneys are playing up, but now I know what the problem is I can attend to it. Due to my history my kidneys are under scrutiny- just to be safe.

Given the knowledge that I have The Book to dive into for wisdom and encouragement- and I do and did read in it plenty, I did find myself fighting a battle I wasn't 'man enough'  to win- not on my own. With God at my side I was able to conquer. His presence is something I don't want to take for granted and will  certainly concentrate more fully on. I know I matter.

The first morning I felt somewhat better and surfaced with intend to stay up all day- I picked up The Book and randomly opened it to find this passage:

Romans - The power of the Good News (1:6)

Greetings from Paul, a servant of Jesus the Messiah, called to be an apostle ( so am I) and set apart for God’s gospel, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son. He was a descendant of David with respect to his humanity and was declared by the resurrection from the dead to be the powerful Son of God according to the spirit of holiness—Jesus the Messiah, our Lord. Through him we( I) received grace and a commission as an apostle to bring about faithful obedience among all the gentiles for the sake of his name. You ( me ), too, are among those who have been called to belong to Jesus the Messiah.

I BELONG to God and no other. Hard work awaits me to restore my relationship to Him and show that I trust in His will. His mercy will be on me- as long as I allow it to be. His light will shine on the path I am to follow.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Amen

Introducing- Bax!

Well, HE has arrived. My newest grandson. His name is Bax. I now have a Max and a Bax- how cool is that? Awesome. My grandson Archie is pleased too. He is surrounded by girls, two sisters and two girl cousins- and now finally a BOY cousin close at hand for him to play with.

It is a bonny lad. Won't say wee because he is fully grown and developed with robust chubby cheeks. A gorgeous bundle of joy. Ten fingers and toes. Dark hair and sparling eyes.

These are the harder moments in my life. The tender, loving sharing caring and emotional events when I struggle somewhat with the physical distance between us all as a family. That I cannot just ' pop in'  to have a cuddle, a cuppa, share the moment. Over the years I have learnt how to cope, how to enjoy what I have and not dwell on what I miss. In not too distant a future we will ALL be together as a family. My three children and their families. Awesome. Time to BE mum and oma. New moments to treasure and enjoy. We may live far apart however we are a close family who keep in touch, support one and other and care for each other. Distance hasn't affected how we love and care for each other- except that we intensely enjoy our times together knowing these moments are precious.

This knowledge of what is and is to come has sustained me these past few weeks. And that is just as well. My faith has once again been sorely tested due to events we have had to endure. Once again my faith in 'friendships and trust'  has suffered another disappointment. People we trusted and held dear have managed to prove that they were not of that pure and trustworthy character we thought them to be. I once again was challenged in my belief that I had placed in others. While I should have immediately entrusted this disappointment and pain in my God, I felt removed from His presence. Yet He was right there with me, in my misery.

Just like I can feel close to my children en be present at events via SKYPE- so too is God closer at hand that I give Him credit for. I thought I had to reach out and search for Him whilst all the time He was right there in my sadness and pain, wanting to comfort and sustain me.

My children and grandchildren may live far away, they are close in my heart and head. I can call upon them at all times. So too is help and support from my God at hand at ALL times. A lesson I hopefully have now finally learnt. About time one could say! I live and learn daily.

Well, I hadn't intended to have a summer stop with my writing. Wasn't planned but happened naturally which isn't a bad thing. It is Tuesday and daily routines are slowly being restored. It has been an amazing summer, with lots of sunshine, great and happy moments and certainly room for some much needed R & R. I am all set to pick up where I left off.

I feel that I lead a privileged and blessed life- despite the ups and downs! Onward and upward- there are, as always, happy events in the offing. I aim to enjoy.......!

Friendship

Almost 12 years ago I returned home to the Netherlands. Not that NZ wasn't a home for me all the years I was privileged to live there, but it did feel different. That difference was quite plain once I resettled myself and joined the daily humdrum and routines of daily life. Two sorts of relationships with two different countries. Yet the same. A strange experience I can tell you. Still baffles me when I think about it.

Last Saturday was one of those moments that emotion was hugely present whilst I attended a book presentation in Leeuwarden, my dad's place of birth and where I spent my adolencent years and young adulthood.

With locals, on holiday from NZ frisians and others we sang the NZ anthem in both Maori and dutch. Tears welled up, goodebumps on my arms my emotions bubbled up to the surface. I felt a strong bond with these people it felt like family.

Last night I watched the soccer match between the Netherlands and Germany. The national anthem was played for both teams. I sang the National anthem whilst sitting on the couch.... Goosebumps again. A strong feeling of belonging like which I experienced the Saturday before.



You could say that I am privileged to have two homelands. And in some ways it is. It is also a heavy burden. My children have a different home than I do. They are welcome here...but NZ is their home. Reece has in some ways, my experience. His home is NZ but also due to the nature of his realtionship, birthplace of Ros, Kirk and Max is Australia his home now... And here will also be home for him should he ever want and be able to visit.

With the birth of Indi, second daughter of Steve and Kylie this distance, this fenomena of " home" is once again food for lots of thought. I know I have a strong sense of belonging here... But that brings with it a strong sense of yearning. Not of regret, but a feeling of whishfulness. Of separtedness, of sadness and the knowledge that " hopping accross that great ditch" not always realisable is...certainly not in the situation at present.

In my heart and in my thoughts I am close to my children and grandchildren. They are part of my day. Although the contact is regular... And I am " kept in the loop" so to speak, I cannot ever get too much requests for skype, for messages, for txts on my phone. They keep me connected and close. They are my life line. Without the contact I would certainly feel allienated. Cut off from what feeds me- the love I have for my children.

Sometimes when I start writing I have no idea what it will be about, sometimes I have a plan. Tonight I let my fingers do the walking- no plan!