Hi mum, happy birthday

'Hi mum, happy birthday, hope you like your present.' That was the message on Facebook chat one of my sons had left. Not funny son, I thought, my birthday isn't till May.

Ping went my phone ' Hope you like the present, have a great day. Love....' What on earth was going on? A second birthday wish and it wasn't even my birthday.

The mystery and curiosity increased when daughter also messaged me with " and, what do you think of your present?"

It appeared that between the three of them ( 2 in NZ and one in Australia) they had agreed to gift me with a ticket to New Zealand for my 60th birthday.

More later...WOW!! What a wonderful generous children, what a love, what a gift.

My son would be joining us in NZ too with his family. Together again for the first time in 11 years.

I walked on air all day!!

Just a little more patience

Almost, but not quite.

Spring hasn't yet sprung but it is on it's way.

Slowly but surely small green sprigs are appearing. Tiny bulb heads are showing themselves. The snowdrops are gently nodding their heads in the light breeze. Slowly but surely the cold ground is yielding to the tiny rays of sun which occasionally kisses the earth. An earth which has been covered with snow, frost, icy rain drops and cold winds these past few months.


I didn't intend to work in the garden today. But unexpectedly the opportunity presented itself. I started clearing away the  remnants from autumn. I gently weeded round the new sprouts of spring and enjoyed seeing the change my garden was experiencing. I don't have a huge garden, but still, there was plenty of it. I realised to clear the task in one hit was just a too big an ask. Yet I felt compelled to complete it. Pushing myself I went on - till Mother Nature stepped in and said ' enough already, time to stop'. I was so grateful. I cleaned my garden tools, stripped myself of my gardening gear and enjoyed a much deserved coffee.

I noticed the past few months that I am not being able to keep myself going long enough to finalise a task. This is new for me. Sure we all have that at times... an occasional low battery - but this has been happening a bit too often. I ask myself why am I experiencing ' that feeling' on a regular basis of late?


And not only the physical tasks like ironing, gardening, in the kitchen - but I cannot concentrate on my reading, writing, meditating and even working on my creative diaries.

When I was working in the garden today and saw the tiny bulbs popping up through the hard soil I kind of wondered whether that's how the bulbs felt. They wanted to complete their task but couldn't quite go the distance. That they needed to just be a little more patient, that all would be well. The temperatures aren't warm enough yet to help these beauties to
' shine'. That they would succeed in their task to bloom, to show off their grandeur- but not just yet! That the sun's rays would soon energize them enough to complete their transformation. Just be a little more patient.

As for me, well I too need to be a bit more patient. I am a four seasons person. I do LOVE winter. I too will recharge my batteries when I receive some more energy when the sun's rays gather their strength. I am keen, keen to see the colours explode, to enjoy the rebirth of the earth in all it's splendour. Newness! I am looking forward to the transformation, just as much as I enjoyed the stillness of the snow.

Sunday: A day of rest

It is pretty chilly outside today. A good time to be sitting somewhere warm and comfortable with a warm chocolate at hand.

Teeny tiny snow flakes are fluttering past my window. There is a breeze, temperature just on zero and last night's light snowfall has frozen to a crunchy carpet. What a difference to yesterday.

Sunday, a day to reflect, to rest, to enjoy family and friends. To be in touch with God and His creation. Everyone has their own way of " doing Sunday'. Everyone has their own idea how one ' should'  experience a Sunday. Many have various ways of celebrating their Sundays.

We started our day with a Sunday breakfast. A lingering at the table, soft boiled egg sort of event. Taking time to wake, to spend time together and quietly kick start the day. Music in the background- of a very Sunday nature. Classical, church, organ or guitar sort of music.

Time for reading. A book, THE book, literature of choice. In the quite of the moment. The sun was out, the room was filled with warmth and the invitation to go outside hung in the air.

So we accepted the invitation and went! Snowfall had coloured our world white- with some parts of the country whiter than white. We drove towards the white- Utrecht! We ended up in a Park where a monument to the French presence in the Netherlands had been built, the Pyramide van Austerlitz. Now I have to admit to missing this part of the history lesson- so learnt a thing yesterday! The French were here.... 1795 - 1813. Anyway, this has become a tourist attraction and popular walking address for many, as we discovered yesterday.


The snowfall in Woudenberg was heavier than at home. We had a lovely walk, enjoyed a bowl of our national SNERT ( pea soup) and later on a warm cuppa.

We decided not to take the highway home. Drove through the lovely countryside slowly leaving the snow behind us. Once home we turned the central heating back on and settled down with some cheese, paté and a glass of port.

What a lovely way to spend this much needed day of rest, this day we used to enjoy that which He created for us to enjoy, nurture and respect.

I enjoy Mondays. Gives me time to reflect on a perfect Sunday!

Thank you God for scheduling a day of rest!

Disbelief, anguish and the WHY question #2

Yesterday I wrote about a young persons body being found. Dead! And although there was no evidence to support my thoughts- I presumed he had been murdered. Now the papers are full of a story not confirmed or denied by police, that Anass committed suicide. That, due to being bullied, this young 13 year old saw no other solution to his predicament.

HOW SAD, how dreadfully sad. This young boy called Anass, a colourful member of our society was bullied because of how he dressed, that he preferred dance to football, that he didn't conform to the norm and saw that to escape this horror he had to end his life.

This is the 3rd incident in a VERY short space of time. After the first two deaths I felt ill to the stomach. I still do. But I couldn't write about it- not then. It was so raw. But now I feel compelled to. To let readers know, that while I do not support the theory that suicide solves life's issues, that I can understand someone's despair.

And why do I understand. Been there- experienced that! I was, like many of the children today who are bullied, quiet about the situation. Didn't seek adult support. My self esteem was at ground leven or even lower. I didn't want to be laughed at by my peers, telling me " not to be silly". I formed friendships with older youth and my circle of friends wasn't exceptionally large. 

That doesn't mean bullying is only ' for kids'. My experience tells me otherwise. And maybe one has to have a certain sensitivity that makes those comments, sneers and judgement calls have such an impact. 

Anyway, this isn't about me, but about Anass and that he died ' by his own hand' as it is so formally worded. It is about the grief, disbelief, the knowledge that he isn't and won't be the last one to walk this particular walk.

Anass, although I feel your life enden prematurely, that I would rather you had enjoyed all the good things life has to offer, that you still were able to take your place at your family's table - I am SURE that the angles will have embraced you and your pain is no more.

R I P Anass - you will be missed by many!

Disbelief- anguish and the WHY question

I haven't been writing on my BLOG of late. Not because I cannot think of a subject- I have plenty of varied material to write about. It is mainly because my thoughts keep drifting off to pa's death. Of missing him, and many say " that's a natural emotion- part of the grieving process".

I'm fully aware of life's cycle, of age and the natural process of life. It was as it should be. And that isn't always the case.

Last night an Amber Alert was sent out for a 13 year old boy who disappeared while delivering pamphlets. The alert was retracted this morning - not because he had been found safe and well, NO what was presumed to be his body was found. This morning his mother was informed that a body had been found and she should prepare herself for the fact that her son may be DEAD!

DREADFUL!!

I am sure the family are guided and supported- in fact I trust completely that this is so. It just shouldn't be necessary. This should never have happened.

There is a new angel in Heaven - so what! I am glad there is a Heaven for him to be in - where there is no violence or pain - but this doesn't rhyme with life's cycle.

A young boy, who still had so much of life's lessons in store, falling in love, graduating, getting his driver's licence, buying a house, having a family, enjoying summer vacations - to mention a few! Things many take for granted- he was robbed of all that the moment his life ended so prematurely. Not to mention all those who love him wil have to miss him in their lives too!

There has been no communication as to how he died. Maybe he had an accident?? Maybe someone is responsible? Funnily enough I tend for the latter. That's because the world we live in is becoming more and more violent every day. Life no longer appears to be deemed as valuable.

I will offer prayers for all those involved. I cannot change the situation, I can but offer my deepest sympathies and prayerful support! It is what something which I can do.

2013: May it bring peace, joy, happiness and many blessings to all

At present I am sitting at my desk in my wee office trying to concentrate on the jobs at hand. I had a to-do list I want to complete and I am doing quite well. Only right now I am being distracted. It is snowing lightly outside. AWESOME! My day started pretty early and it is getting dark already, quite early in fact. I am having some ' down tools time'.

That's when I start thinking. Mulling things over in my mind. About family, friends, work, appointments, check FB messages.
I just finished parcelling up a package for New Zealand. Four dresses for my 4 granddaughters- meant for Christmas. They didn't get sent in time due to pa's illness and subsequent death. Needing all the time and energy to arrange his farewell. I fleetingly thought of getting them away before New Year- didn't happen. So they are now ready to be sent along with some nick- nak oma stuff.

Mij husband and his brother are at the house, dissembling some shelving and the like. I did n't feel the need to go. Needed some ' down time' for myself. Just doing the normal daily things like dusting, small errands, to the bank, enjoying a quiet cuppa on my own.

No, I am not depressed or anything. Truly. Actually I think I am doing rather well all things considered. I have some new ideas to develop, a new challenge is burbling to the surface. My energy level is returning to normal. Bring it on.......!

The New Year of 2011 didn't start particularly well either. My mum died just after the New Year set in at 01:05. Took some time to find my feet that year.  In 2012 Christmas wasn't a happy time. Still, I understand the rythme of life only too well. It is 2013 and I aim to meet the challenges, commit myself to my work for  A-plus Products , my own company. My goal is to pour energy into those things I value most. My faith, family, friends and business. It is my intention to set aside some time to design and develop a new project. All exciting stuff.

There is so much to learn. That in itself is a challenge. My husband uses his computer for work because he has to. I use the computer because I love to. I want to achieve more independence by learning more of the ins and outs. By attempting things I learn lots- by asking for advice and assistance, I learn even more.

It hasn't escaped me that I am a truly blessed person. The talents I have been given I want to develop further. To share with others what I know. I am looking forward to all that 2013 holds. January has reached it's mid-day already. Time stands still for no one although it sometimes feels like it does.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am keen to get on with life!

Possessions and memories

The past few weeks my husband, brother in law and I have been clearing. By that I mean, everything that was in pa's home at the time of his dying, has been handled by us. Looked at, talked about, unleashed memories or started the discussion - what do we do with..? In good harmony I may add.

In our lounge at home, on the coffee table on a platter are; two wedding rings, an engagement announcement and the Cake wedding dolls, two pairs of baby shoes, two birth announcements. Treasures from days gone by. Events that told the important events of pa's life. We have a multitude of albums with photos and two whole boxes of loose photos that never made it into the album pages. I claimed a small, heavy frypan. Not only because pa fried many an egg or piece of meat in it but also because of it's manageble size. We won't use 95% of the household and personal items 'from home' as we are fully stocked ourselves.

Today was a BIG day! I felt a lump in my throat and a sadness creeping in on me. All the 'smalls' in the home, cutlery, crockery, glassware, linnen, bedding, pots and pans, microwave and even scales and 3 umbrellas left the building.They will be used by others- people starting their lives afresh. Which in itself is rather beautiful as we are sure pa would have approved of this instead of it going to waste.

A house becomes a home, in my opinion anyway, when the kitchen is equipt to feed those taking up residence in the home. A cuppa, a sandwich, two fried eggs on toast, a warm stew, the Sunday roast. The kitchen is often referred to the 'heart' of the home. Last Tuesday I cooked our last meal 'at home'. We enjoyed sitting round the table, a glass of wine, music in the background. Very conscious of this ritual being our last there.

As of today home has become a house we have to empty of its contents. The new tenants have already been appointed and we have been notified. In 2 months time this house will once again become a home for a young family with two children - just like it did 52 years ago. 

Life goes on and rightly so! But..... there is a hurt that still has a sharp edge to it.

Early one morning

Have had this prayer in my possession for years now

It's even on my wall in my ' office' .

Ah, the things one takes for granted! 

I LOVE this prayer - don't know who wrote it but am thankful someone has!!

It has reminded me once again what my priorities are/should be!

Just thought I would share;

and maybe make a difference somewhere, for someone for what ever reason.......

The Difference

I got up early one morning

and rushed into the day:

I had so much to accomplish

that I didn't have time to pray

Problems just troubled about me

and heavier became each task.

"Why doesn't God help me"? I wondered

He answered, " You didn't ask".

I wanted to see joy and beauty

but the day toiled on, gray and bleak.

I wondered why God didn't show me

He said, " But you didn't seek".

I tried to come into God's presence

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

" My child, why didn't you knock"?

I woke up early this morning,

and paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish

that I had to take time to pray.

Our chookrun

At the bottom of our garden is a chicken palace/run. 

It houses our 4 chickens. We have two species and maybe due to my ageing grey matter, I cannot for the life of me remember which sort they are. Never mind. That isn't the reason for my story, or is it? Mmmm..

They came from the same breeder and were in the same pen so we assumed that they got on or at least knew each other wel enough to get on. My husband Leen chose two and I chose two, so 2 x 2.


It didn't take long to realise that these chooks weren't as chummy as we thought. We hadn't noticed that in the large coup they came from. And well, it seems where more than one share a space, there always needs to be a BOSS. A leader, one that gives the go ahead and says, "go on, you can eat now. I've had my fill, picked out the yummiest bits, the rest is yours". That's the way it goes, in a chook run? Well, we kept an eye on things for a wee while. Thought, they need time to settle in, new surroundings, tons of space, different food. Excellent care.

It has been just over a year now. And boy oh boy, have I spent hours observing their behaviour. Whilst 'the boss' is a chicken- she actually wears the trousers and acts like a rooster ( except she lays the eggs). Part two of this duo, due to bullying, is the runt of the group. And totally understandably, has escaped a couple of times.

I actually feed her separately, secretly and on the quiet so that the 'boss' doesn't hear the grain fall on the surface. As soon as I walk past the run she gets all geared up to sneakely make her way to her feeding spot. If she has to pass her agressor, she makes a wide birth not wanting to arouse suspicion. Once arrived she stands there on her -weak in the knees, spindly legs- trembling all over.

Funnily enough the other two just kept to themselves, mindful they could be next. Whilst eating they keep their beady eye on the 'boss' just in case. They try to keep a safe and healthy distance and seem quite relaxed.

The niggly part is, is that the 'boss' is the only chook laying at present. I have dark thoughts about this chook and am not proud of them. Still, I am for the underdog ( in this case chook) and feel even the soup pot is too good for the 'boss'. Bet it's a tough bird!

A couple of days ago we noticed that our wee chook limped. Lookt whispy and sad. We set het apart with food and water close within beaks reach. She can't be intimidated now and has her own safe space to get well.

Lo and behold, what did I see this morning, The 'boss' has found herself another scapegoat ( chicken). Poor thing just skirted around and on higher ground just in time before it got henpecked. Appears the 'boss' needs a target and isn't slow in finding a replacement. A birth defect, in the genes, acquired habit???

I have a dilemma. Do I rid the chookrun of this bully? I am sure that as soon as we allow our wee one to rejoin the group she'll be picked on, the weakest is always the target. Assuming ofcourse she'll get well enough to go back that is.

Well, now here's the thing! This is the story of our chookrun. It sounds awefully similar to stories I read in the paper. Stories in society. Those thinking they have the unspoken right to 'rule' over others. Those who can't bear being 'one of the crowd'. Those who 'pick the best' out of everything, first in line. They are swift, alert, and don't miss a trick. And if they feel cheated or robbed- they hand out punishment, they don't end up in the soup!

I want peace in my chookrun. There is more than enough space, room for privacy. There is space for a gathering. Togetherness, They can sleep apart of snuggle up. When peace reigns, more eggs will follow though that isn't my main concern. Even without eggs - all I want is PEACE on EARTH.

It is the Epiphany today ( Three Kings). The Christmas story has just begun. Let's not douse the fire just yet. Let's stoke it up and let the flames be seen from afar, drawing people to it- together! Let there be PEACE - on everyone's turf!

2013 is upon us

I started this BLOG last year with the intention of contributing a short piece each day of my 60th year. Allowing a select few to catch a glimpse of my daily doings, and for me a record 'on paper' of that special year. What happened: 
For many reasons I didnt manage to add a snippet each day, and;
those select few were just as diligent as I was. 

I  also write with more regularity a BLOG in dutch - my mother tongue. Recently I was asked to translate a piece into English which I had written. 

New Year 2013 thinking- I will now write two BLOGS - for my dutch and english speaking family and friends. A rough translation. Just to be able to reach more people. 

My challenge, and I am as keen as mustard.

For my BLOG readers!

We are faced with a new situation, time without pa. Somehow we will find our way. The road ahead is unclear and a little bumpy. In his memory we are going to make the most of life and what it has to offer. We would be shaming his memory if we did not.

It is the 3rd of January and for many 2013 is off to a flying start. For many a festive and positive event, for others a joyless and depressing experience. A world of emotions apart in expectations and future gazing.

Why is that, I wonder? Does one only experience the New Year on a positive note because of what went before?  Or is it because the coming year may hold disappointments, possible sadness or great scary unkown? Was the tunnel in 2012 that long that the light at the end of it never eventuated?

Whilst I am vigilant for the above, and attempt to experience each day as it comes, I too fall into the 'trap' of -forward thinking- as I call it. Recently my husband, brother in law and I spent a week discussing and imagining scenarios in how we would prepare and support pa (father in law) and how his living situation would need to change once he left hospital. That he wouldn't be able to live unassisted and would have to leave the family home and go "into care".  After a week of planning, brainstorming and imagining we stopped daydreaming. And all because of pa's wise words. "We are daytrippers - people of the moment". 

Those wise words didn't just help us focus on the here and now of THAT time, but helped us see that this was a valuable lesson for every day of our lives. Sometimes one needs a reminder- just to refocus on what's important. To be more conscious of every moment. Not to get too caught up in the maybes. Just let life BE! We all grew even closer those few weeks. Lived more intensely and spent quality time with pa - who didn't need to go into care at all. God took care of him - and we are intensely grateful that pa can now relax and be pain and discomfort free - Forever!


We aren't in the business of predicting. Not the weather, not the challeges we may get to face At best we can only speculate. Have premonitions of things to come. We attempt to prepare for possible things to come. Preparing for an event or happening isn't  a bad thing. But chrystal ball gazing does tend to distract us from the present. It shifts our focus of where we are at. In hindsight - looking back one often realises all the pre planning was in vain. Things turned out differently than expected or hoped. Unforeseen issues affected the pre-thought outcome.

I want to wish all those reading my BLOG a blessed and happy 2013. 

We are: People of the moment- THIS MOMENT- NOW! 

So enjoy- as I will, each day that I am given.

Tenerife- on a high, and then..... down hill from here on in

Our summer holiday turned into an autumn holiday.

We went to Tenerife. What a beautiful island. We spent 12 days enjoying all the island had to offer.

My aim was to write a travel blog about it upon returning home.

But our home coming wasn't as pleasant as we had imagined.

Pa isn't well. Upon arrival back we were confronted with the inevitable.

On Monday 3 December in the afternoon the doctor popped in and promptly called an ambulance, I accompanied pa to the hospital. His body was in bad shape. His lungs, kidney and bladder were struggling, his heart barely coping with the stress of it all.

All of 16 days it took, our hearts breaking bit by bit each day as it became apparent that pa wouldn't recover.

Darling pa, how we loved you, how we ached for you- and how we MISS you.

What a long gap between items

What started out as a challenge has turned sour somehow. It makes me wonder why I haven't been able to keep up writing daily. For certainly lots happen each day- more than enough information to write about.

Oh well, here I am so that's another boost for the moral. I am hard on myself too I realise. Ah well, glad I am as imperfect as I am. Would be too much to live up to otherwise.

The temperatures outside are slowly dropping to an Autumn level. Rain is present most days though not all day long. Just enough to keep the gardens en lawns wet and the washing in the dryer. We have started using our central heating again - turning it on to take the chill off in the morning and on again in the evening to lull us into a slumber whilst the tv claims our attention.

Not that we watch it  every day and all night. Last night we were like flashlights...on and off. I managed to complete a PowerPoint ( an example for the site which I can only place if I upgrade).

Been feeling a bit grumpy, off colour the past couple of weeks. Haven't had much contact AT ALL with the kids. That makes me so SAD and feeling isolated from them. I know, they are busy people - so am I. The days just cruise by. I am conscious of the contact possibilites because I am online most of the time- they have families to raise, things that keep them busy. I musn't let this get to me. They work hard - do their best and their time too is precious and seeing the age of the children, they have their hands full! My task to be more patient and lenient in my expectations.

To catch up with happenings A-plus Products- I have popped a quite number of flyers in letterboxes, upgraded the website ( again) and added a few workshops. I also sent the info on to the digital local paper. I pray - lots! Not in desperation though, but more in asking for blessings and that people are moved to want to come and attend one of my workshops. Next Monday I have my last known pupil....so now it is up to the people to be moved to enroll. I am also re-evaluating my 'working week' and taking up writing again. Not to mention wanting to finalise a few albums ( more than a couple ) that have been in the pipeline for some time.

So work aplenty - no time to tarry, as they say!!

Onward and upward to a positive day with chores completed and satisfaction at day's end.