Tenerife- on a high, and then..... down hill from here on in

Our summer holiday turned into an autumn holiday.

We went to Tenerife. What a beautiful island. We spent 12 days enjoying all the island had to offer.

My aim was to write a travel blog about it upon returning home.

But our home coming wasn't as pleasant as we had imagined.

Pa isn't well. Upon arrival back we were confronted with the inevitable.

On Monday 3 December in the afternoon the doctor popped in and promptly called an ambulance, I accompanied pa to the hospital. His body was in bad shape. His lungs, kidney and bladder were struggling, his heart barely coping with the stress of it all.

All of 16 days it took, our hearts breaking bit by bit each day as it became apparent that pa wouldn't recover.

Darling pa, how we loved you, how we ached for you- and how we MISS you.

What a long gap between items

What started out as a challenge has turned sour somehow. It makes me wonder why I haven't been able to keep up writing daily. For certainly lots happen each day- more than enough information to write about.

Oh well, here I am so that's another boost for the moral. I am hard on myself too I realise. Ah well, glad I am as imperfect as I am. Would be too much to live up to otherwise.

The temperatures outside are slowly dropping to an Autumn level. Rain is present most days though not all day long. Just enough to keep the gardens en lawns wet and the washing in the dryer. We have started using our central heating again - turning it on to take the chill off in the morning and on again in the evening to lull us into a slumber whilst the tv claims our attention.

Not that we watch it  every day and all night. Last night we were like flashlights...on and off. I managed to complete a PowerPoint ( an example for the site which I can only place if I upgrade).

Been feeling a bit grumpy, off colour the past couple of weeks. Haven't had much contact AT ALL with the kids. That makes me so SAD and feeling isolated from them. I know, they are busy people - so am I. The days just cruise by. I am conscious of the contact possibilites because I am online most of the time- they have families to raise, things that keep them busy. I musn't let this get to me. They work hard - do their best and their time too is precious and seeing the age of the children, they have their hands full! My task to be more patient and lenient in my expectations.

To catch up with happenings A-plus Products- I have popped a quite number of flyers in letterboxes, upgraded the website ( again) and added a few workshops. I also sent the info on to the digital local paper. I pray - lots! Not in desperation though, but more in asking for blessings and that people are moved to want to come and attend one of my workshops. Next Monday I have my last known pupil....so now it is up to the people to be moved to enroll. I am also re-evaluating my 'working week' and taking up writing again. Not to mention wanting to finalise a few albums ( more than a couple ) that have been in the pipeline for some time.

So work aplenty - no time to tarry, as they say!!

Onward and upward to a positive day with chores completed and satisfaction at day's end.

Workshops

What a lovely space to hold my workshops at. A homely yet professional 'boardroom' with beamer, screen and comfy chairs.

I have seen 3 happy people after they mastered the art of filing, storing, renaming photos. I have seen grins as they placed photos on the pages of their first album. Wow. It may not be a fat pot yet...money isn't exactly rolling in, more like a wee drizzle but the pleasure of seeing these people grow in stature gives me immense joy.

I have two other particitpants yet to accompany on this journey. Once they have finished I hope to have replaced their names with new ones. My next step is to spread pamphlets in neighbourhoods - selecting a number of streets and flats strategically. Also I have an add in the local digital newspaper and am trying to get some titbit info published in the paper version.

Personally I have great faith, hat this will grow and my name ( A-plus) will become a familiar one. I need to sharpen my internet skills so my website becomes more prominent - all learning curves.

To get energised I need to keep focussed on the smiley faces. Some evenings I still tend to drag the chain instead of being busy with the setting up, trying out new software and making the albums on my own list.

The feeling I have when I toddle off to the next workshop event is one of pride and excitement. Now I look forward to an increase in numbers - gradually would be cool - but 6 next week would be AWESOME!

Time to shut down for dinner.... Leen has a council meeting tonight. He is TIRED. Worked all summer getting the collection areas set up, propped up and geared up for next week's annual collection. The tide is out - he is all in. We hope to have a break end of november. So I haven't arranged any dates for then. Will make my next calendar programme ready to publish next week adding other 'flavours' to the list.

Friday 14th September 2012

Inbelievable...I entertained the notion I would write in my diary (BLOG) daily to keep a record of my doings from birthday to birthday in my last year as a record from 59 till my 60th birthday.

Well I can truly say "this was a too big an ask!"

I have been writing though like I first mentioned. In my Dutch blog, on the website I created.

Now to try to pick up where I left off.

Leen and I have spent all summer home save for 2 weekends away. His work kept him cooped up in his office most days, sometimes till 23:00 or later. Thank goodness end is in sight and we are looking at escaping to the Canary Islands - Tenerife, or somewhere equally warm at the end of November.

I have started giving workshops. It is a slow but satisfying process trying to set myself up as a regular service centre for computer programmes. Have had a request for Photoshop already too. Means I have to keep abreast of all the software too - can't teach what I do not know.

The past month has been hectic to say the least. Was also a bit sad not to have been able to visit the kids this year. Bummer!! My wish to have max 18 months between visits looks to be lengthend to 2 years. Shucks!!!! Thank goodness for SKYPE.

Steve is 30 years old! In November Toni reaches the ripe age of 40. Wow, I will have been a mum for 40 years. What a privilege.

A few weeks ago someone asked how my health was - and I have to say that I have been 'ache free' the past couple of months. Wow, congrats to myself I say! I have more energy and feel enthused and motivated and that has been a long time coming.

I will endeavour to dig deep the coming weeks to do a catch up of events so as I still get a record to reflect on later.

The biggest (worldly)  event has been of course the kick off for the courses I now run. The other great change ( or actually not change but renewed activity has been my faith growth and prayer life). AMEN and Allelujia to that! It is all go!!!!!!!

A-plus Products

I cannot believe it. Have I been that busy I haven't written in my diary for THAT long!!?? What a shame really. It means that lots has been happening and I haven't written about it.

Yes, lots has been happening. I recovered and realised - I CAN do (almost) anything. The things I cannot do is only because I haven't tried- or never occurred to me I needed to learn how to do them, or never needed them.

So, what CAN I do. I can teach. I can write. I am creative, I can stay focussed ( am working on that skill-getting better all the time).

Then it was a matter of saying: what do I WANT to do with what I can do. I want to work independantly, from home and at my own pace.

So, I thought, go design your future - well, my working future that is. The future that entails earning my keep financially. Not only to be co-responsible for the day to day running of our lives and home but also to save for the trips to the children and be able to keep supporting that wonderful initiative- Travelight/ Teen Challenge.

I am enthusiastic, keen as mustard. I need to concentrate especially in this early stage, as one only makes one good impression- that is what makes or breaks a venture.

www.a-plusproducts.com is in business folks.

Watch this space. It is a project continually in development

Ideas.... they just keep on coming

I have started on a new project. After my disappointment over a business veture that didn't happen, I regrouped, prayed and sought advice.

I listed my talents, competences and likes and realised that being creative, self reliant and could plan well that there could just be an activity for me as Photo Album creator and organiser.

I have been making digital photo albums since 2005. Started when it first became fashionable. I have grown with the changes in the software and feel confident I have the necessary skills to make a good go of this new venture. It is also something I can keep doing ( even after my 65th year) and hopefully be successful enough so I can manage to save up a reasonable pension and visit my children and grandchildren regularly.

The past 10  days or so I have been delving more deeply into the possibilities, the necessary organisational issues and finding out how many i's I need to dot! I already have a website ( for which I pay a reasonable sum) and this is in the throws of being organised on a professional manor to entice, and inform potential customers of my services, which include the making of PP presentations and Workshops in making albums.

I am excited, enthusiastic and keen as mustard. It has taken me a while to put the 'pot issue'  behind me. Now that I have rid myself of the useless weight I feel ready to tackle this venture with renewed energy.

Keep watching this space.

Sharing memories

Well , who would have thought I would be away this long? Not that I haven't been writing, just not here in my diary of happenings and experiences.

Leen and I went away for a few days. We needed the break and the weather looked promising. A few days away in the MG, roofless through the countryside all the way to Koblenz, Germany. There we met up with some friends and spent some time with them before journeying on home and to oom Teun's farewell.

I was to speak on behalf of the Fijnekam side of the family. But also because I wanted to pay tribute to this lovely man. And speak I did. I had prepared the not too long a talk whilst away. Mailed it and it was received warmly on the day.....

It was a lovely summer's day. There were many local people ( Alblasserdam is a small township and he had lived there his whole life). Those not present were on holiday, some unaware their uncle, friend or neighbour had died whilst they were away. It is summer after all.

How respectfully and well did the boys speak of their father. They honoured him gently, appropriately and not too overdone. Their dad wouldn't have liked that. How beautiful was the poem daughter Hennie wrote about her dad and who he was for her. You could call it a psalm-. There were no prayers said, yet the whole cervice was one of prayer. Of gratitude for the man he had been, for thankfulness that he was ' at peace'.  There was music - a God given gift to those who used it to give pleasure to those who could appreciate listening. Songs of beauty, of splendour.

The children guided their mother through this ritual of farewell with compassion, care, and thoughfulness. It was a serene, touching and fitting farewell.

Oom Teun has met his Maker, and we have waved him on, letting go.

Now all must pick up the pieces and carry on without him present but forever in our hearts.

Rest in Peace oom Teun

This is the third morning in a row I am enjoying the sunshine om my arms sitting typing away on my computer. How promising is that? Summer hasn't forgotten us after all.

Last Thursday afternoon we went to visit Leen's oom Teun. We had heard that all wasn't well with him - an octogenrian who had led a full life and in the past couple of years had paid the price of aging with health issues. We had been on occasional visits with months in between. Last family day he wasn't able to be present as his condition had deteriorated that much he was house bound. I missed his presence on that day as he was a cheery man, not talkative but a happy presence where ever he showed himself.

R.I.P oom Teun

After a phone call from tante Bertha to say we were welcome that afternoon, we called in. As we expected it was to be a final visit, a farewell- when we would leave the house we realised we wouldn't see oom again.

The visit went really well. Oom had been 'moved'  into a bedroom on his own. A 24hour nurse was present and the daughter of the house, Leen's cousin had also arrived. After some updated chitchat we went to see uncle Teun. How wonderful to have had this moment - how awesome to have shared minutes of his final hours... we weren't to know he would go so soon!

Precious moments. Caring moments.

As we drove home - sort of sad, sort of resigned I said to Leen I wanted to pray for oom Teun. I prayed aloud " Lord take him home, release him from his agony." This prayer was on my lips and in my heart for the next couple of days. Sons Jan en Gert with their wives went to see him, grandchildren called in.... all realising that their father, father in law and opa wouldn't be with them much longer.

The 24 hour nurse wasn't needed long term. Oom Teun died peacefully Sunday morning. At home like he wanted. Amongst those he loved.

Attitude

Quite a number of years ago, maybe 20-25 I read this quote. Was so taken by it I copied it onto a piece of paper. This morning I found it - tucked away in the back of my bible.

The sun is out, the streets are still quiet, it is Sunday morning and as in so many parts of the world ( not all I know) the world gently awakes. A day of rest - a day to look back on the events of the week. Satisfied or not, there is no changing the results - only the future.

It is all here in this wee piece of reflection from Charles R Swindoll.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Enjoy your Sunday!

Noah's Arc

It is Saturday, a quiet and peaceful morning with little or no traffic passing by. Not that we have loads of traffic humming by- but the day to day to-ing and fro-ing has yet to begin.

It is also almost dry. Save a wee shower when I first got up at 6:45. I am hopeful there won't be anymore than that wee shower today! What have we had to contend with the past weeks. Rain, rain rain! Weird too really. Recently the newest attraction opened in Dordrecht - city across the waters.

Noah's Arc Yes, we have an Arc in the harbour. And going by the measurements maybe large enough to fit a small community like ours into. I don't mean to be flippend - honestly. I do admire the man's perserverance, almost audacity you could say, his vision and guts to do what he did. And not on a whim but total conviction that this is what he HAD to do. He prays, asks, listens and does what he thinks he is called to do. I can truly admire that in a person. 

Actually I am envious. And that's not a good thing to be. What I should feel is inspired- more determined and focussed in, on and with the things I am doing. Checking all the time - is this where I should be, is this what I should be doing?

Anyway, my thinking isn't all doom and gloom. On the contrary. Recently I have been more focussed and trying to give shape to the routines and things that occupy me. I have adjusted my antennae and am listening more accurately to the signals I am receiving. 

Life is one, big learning journey. And the scenery is enjoyable. I am going to soldier on and do my darndest to get it as right as I can. 

As Micah said: Live justly, love tenderly and walk humbly with your God! Just LOVE that verse.

A day in which to ponder.

Pondering!

As I am typing the sun is on my arms and face warming me up in a most gentle way. No, not a clear blue sky, but a typical dutch one, with awesomely shaped and coloured clouds puffing in the wind.
Like these ones in the photo. Typically dutch. What is that I wonder?

I returned home 12 years ago
(1-7-2000) and felt 'at home'  straight away. Yet I had been away for 30 odd years. Going to the market, taking the train, late to bed, shopping almost daily instead of fortnightly - the fridges here are smaller and freezers are generally non existent due to the space needed to house these items, so no way can one 'stock up' for longer periods. Fresh produce and bread daily isn't such a bad thing. You can decide what you want to eat on the day. Anyway, I digress, which by the way, is quite permissible when one is pondering!

I hadn't ever driven a car in the Netherlands. Did have a scooter years ago, but that's different. I was encouraged by my cousin René to get behind the wheel not long after I arrived.. and hey presto! Just was funny getting in on the wrong/right side of the car.

I did have to re-do my practical for my license. Unfair when you think about it. Drove almost 30 years - not a scratch, and if I had had an Australian driver's license it would have been accepted without an exam. Anyway, got al that sorted and drive with much pleasure like I did in New Zealand. Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Zeeland, Fryslân ( Friesland) Paris, France, Belgium.......

Shortly after my return I had the privilege of 'hosting' friends here for a couple of days. We made the traditional tourist trip to Amsterdam ( YAWN!) by train. Don't get me wrong. Amsterdam is lovely- just there is so much MORE to Amsterdam than the red light district and the canal boats. Still we did have a great day there!

The next day we went to Fryslân/Friesland by car. The landscape is so contradictory to the New Zealand landscape. Once we passed the halfway mark I sighed and said " oh isn't this lovely. What do you think of that?" and the one answer I hadn't counted on was the one I got. " It is so FLAT! Nothing to see." Oh me oh my. Glad of the differences in people and their experiences. I don't see ' nothing' at all. It is the drive that gives me my most wonderful ' at home' feeling I can imagine.

There is a snag, not to be taken too lightly either however, that will always remain a stab in my heart - the distance to travel before I can be with my children and grandchildren. Not to mention the loving friends I made and still have in Aotearoa. Whilst I enjoy their smiley bubbly faces on SKYPE, and love catching up with my children via any means available today - it causes an ache every day!

Anyway, all I wanted to say really is, this is home. I am home and LOVE it. Yes, the weather isn't exactly anything to write home about. Especially this dismal summer so far. But then, the summer in New Zealand wasn't all it cracked up tobe either. And Down Under is all Down Under. Here we spread out to south of France, Spain, Greece, Portugal. Our friendly European neighbours DO have sunny warm weather, different food, different cultures, different scenery. It is where you feel ' at home' that counts.

The place where I can be me. I loved my years in New Zealand. Truly I did. It gave me my 3 wonderful children, the cultural experiences not found elsewhere, the richness of friendships I still hold dear. My life, adventuresome though it has been to date, I wouldn't swap with anyone.

So now, I am still feeling the warm sun on my arms, I am still seeing the blueish grey clouds speed past and I am thankful.

New horizons

I just looked out of my window and lo and behold- a sight not seen for some time. BLUE sky! It is tragic really that I allow the weather to occasionally influence my day. Not to the point I get shirty about it, but it does somehow manage to infiltrate into my daily doings from time to time.

It is Tuesday. I am trying to get my head around the new routine I have found myself to be in. Now that I have totally finished with the NEW ADVENTURE ( sadly enough) I am trying to set my goals on other activities and also shape my future as to where to from here? and where is my income going to come from next?

Let me explain: A year ago friends from New Zealand popped in for a visit. It was awesome. We nattered, caught up and shared some great times together. During this time I explained I wanted to leave teaching. Not straight away, but was searching for ' something'  challenging and new. This is how I became involved with a new project and a possibility to earn my income doing something I enjoyed and be in charge of my own destiny. This was May 2011. In October I took up the challenge and proceeded to do all the things one must to to become self employed, gather information, do research and keep in constant contact with the person I intended to do doing business with. After 6 months of giving it my all- disappointment awaited me.

Not all things work out how one sets out to do. And this was one of those moments and unrealised dreams. So shattering, disillusioning. Still, after a wee while if wallowing in self pity and being hugely angry and sad, I regrouped and picked up my life once again.

I feel like I am in a candy store. So much choice, so many talents, so many directions. I love photography, writing and cooking to mention a few talents I do recognise that I already have and could develop further. I am also not adverse to cleaning, checkouts or other work.

It is really hard ( for me just now) to get a true picture of what and how. And let's face it - the negativity that surrounds the world as far as the economy is concerned doesn't help either. Doom and gloom scenarios are everywhere. I wish people wouldn't let themselves be so influenced by it. If you are a hard worker, know how to live within your budget and dare to LIVE, then all will be well with the world. Share with others, don't hog your time and talent for yourself. We are in this world together - so then... share the load!

Today I am making lists, summing up my possibilities and trying to clear my head. I have been doing a lot of thinking about what 'suits' me as a person. I am open to anything ( within reason) and especially something that helps make a difference.

So, before the week is out I aim to have a clear picture and definite goal.

Family re-union or family feud?

An unexpected happy event - clouded by an  unforgiving heart.

How stoked I was yesterday to receive a request via Facebook to join a family group ( on mum's side) set up a cousin. Photos, history, anecdotes- awesome. I thought too...wow a chance for me to assemble more info for the kids and their heritage. So I accepted the invite and checked out how many other members there were and found 28 already signed in. Looking at the photo gallery I thought it would be nice - for those who aren't in the possession of the family group photo I have of my grandparents with all but one member- to place it. Lo and behold, a cousin mentioned that it had already been placed by another family member. I looked and looked and couldn't find it. Then a small twinkling light began to dawn - . My suspicious were confirmed when I checked the profile photos against the number participants. I have 27 photos and 28 members listed.  I have been blocked by a family member and therefor I cannot see the contributions made by that person. My heritage, my photos are not accessible for me because I have been blocked. What is most hurtful about that is that I am blocked by someone in my own family  - one way or another I will be able to have access to the photos, but that I am BLOCKED  out- disowned! The hurts like no other pain I have yet felt.

I am SHATTERED. Hurt to the very core of my being! Why am I surprised? But I am. I didn't know some-one, especially blood,  so filled with hate that this is their reaction. I cannot imagine the size and force of this emotion AT ALL!-

What to do? I made contact with the instigator of the page and explained the problem - even offered to leave the family group! so as not to cause upheavals. I was concerned and felt uncomfortable. I don't want to be the reason that personal vendettas clouded this wonderful initiative. I could only think of one person who would have done this- and after checking I found my suspicions were correct.

Then, before I went to bed, having thought everything through, I mailed a request to have the block lifted. I mean to say, how bad could that be? I do not want others to intervene or even change their view of either party. I don't want this to smudge what was an honest - caring and thoughtful exercise into a family feud online. Shaking from head to toe I pushed 'send'.

That was last night. Upon awakening I lifted the ipad cover with trembling hands - would there have been a response or reaction.

I went on the FB family page. BANG- SLAP- THUMP! Nothing had changed. I want to scream, to cry,  I feel such an incredible sadness coming over me. What horrendous crime have I committed to be treated this way? I know that our relationship stranded many years ago in 1988. Since then I have done almost everything known to man to set this right. But to no avail. It is beyond me to break down this wall.

I have prayed about it, cried buckets over it, asked advice on it, left it alone ( or tried to) so it didn't get me down. What to do??? Oh what to do?? Lord tell me - WHAT TO DO??  Oh Lord - tell me what I have to do!!

Kidney trouble

Yes well, what can I say...I have been 'away' from my blog for some time. Welcome back would be an appropriate statement right now.

It all started when we went away for our annual 'friends weekend'.

We have been doing this for a number of years now starting in 2007. Each year a couple are responsible for selecting the location and organising the daily activities. This event being held the last weekend of June every year. These have been wonderful weekends I must say. And not surprisingly, we all enjoy this rather luxurious 'time out' at the start of the summer season.

We have started on the 'second round' now when Leen and I organised a weekend away in Aldstjerk/Oudkerk in Fryslân.

We stayed in Hotel de Klinze , a stately 'manor' of some status. Indoor pool, sauna, spa and Turkish steam bath. Leen and I had 'discovered' this location a few years ago ( just after Mitchell died) and have visited again last year between Christmas and New Year. The food was lovely, the location tiptop and the service of the staff second to none.

As I started to say, that's when I stopped writing! Although there was internet, the service was so slow I couldn't 'load' my evening's contribution. It just 'hung on in there' and wouldn't add to the page. So frustrating. I made a few notes to add after our return home - and it never happened.

Our last day we spent going on a short ferry ride across to the island Schiermonnikoog. Lovely place. Small but green and touristy. As we prepared to leave for home I received a phone call to say my father in law was being taken to hospital due to kidney problems.

A mad dash home - went straight to pa's place, skipping dinner, where we found him home but extremely unwell. Arrangements were made to visit the doctor the next morning and after he (re)assured us he would ring if anything happened we went home to sleep ( NOT!)

I whisked pa off to the doctor the next day and before you could say ' kidney failure' he was being admitted to hospital. Both pa's kidneys had for some unknown reason decided to stop working, but also his bladder was totally EMPTY! Had no content what so ever.

After a barrage of tests and a sad pa I had to leave him in hospital,where he subsequently stayed a whole week. Poor pa. He so wanted to be at home, he was so unsure of everything and so nervous. After a few days the kidneys started working again. Pa received gallons of fluids and had a catheter in so that all in- and outgoing fluids could be monitored and measured.

All this led to the demise of my writing. I too was concerned, hectic days followed with to-ing and fro-ing to hospital, pa's house and other activities. At night I couldn't concentrate and lounged on the couch becoming quite a potato.

It has taught me quite a lot about the nucleus of this family. I have learned a lot (more) about myself. It also woke Leen and Arie up to the reality of pa's fragility and humaness. Although I remained calm throughout the whole process my nervousness being more from 'within' than outwardly showing, I too found myself closer to pa than ever before. I kept having flashbacks to my dad and his last months. I re-visited those intensely lonesome moments I experienced at that time. Yet, it didn't make me depressed or anything, just thankful that I knew I had done my ALL for dad in those weeks and I aim to be there for pa with as much devotion and caring as I had been for dad.

Being realistic, pa hasn't got eternal life. One day we will have to farewell  him ( all things being equal that he goes before one of us). I think I am slowly preparing myself for that day, making the most of the time we have left with him.

So, I am back - and hopefully there won't be too many 'breaks' like this one. I also realise now it might have been an impossible task to think I could enter a contribution EVERY DAY for a year without interruption.

The meaning of Life: by Rick Warren

It is Wednesday evening. A balmy summer evening, the first ( of many?) this summer. What words of
wisdom, what experience did I have today that marks this day and makes it special?

Today I read another chapter in a book I am currently reading- and meet with others every Wednesday to discuss the book and it's content. The title: The purpose of Driven Life- what on Earth am I here for? written by Rick Warren, 2002. 

We take it one step at a time, reading one chapter a week even though the book suggests a chapter a day!! Too much info and food for thought. So we mull it over, discuss and let things sink in and find a spot to settle into.

I have read many books similar to this one - and one book in particular is the driving force behind the intention of the author. That is the bible. A collection of writings in which teachings are entwined with humour, honesty, expectations, requests and specific guidelines in how we ought to conduct ourselves.

What makes this weekly event so valuable to me is that while listening to others air their views and interpretations I find I am not alone in my quest to try to live as best a life as I know how - to be the person I was designed to be. Taking into account all the failings, doubts, insecurities and keenness to know more, which are part of my personality. To identify and develop the talents I have been given. To achieve and strive for more. I am not in it alone.

The past few weeks have been focussed on forgiveness, the human trait of felling judgement and of gossip. HUGE!! I think these subjects will take more than a week each to find their way and leave the necessary wisdom and tools I need to use to put into practice what is required of me. Someone said ( and rightly so) each chapter could have a whole book dedicated to it. That would mean 3 more books to read!

Anyway, my Wednesdays evenings are great. Spent in the company of a diverse group of people who stimulate, enthuse and challenge my thinking.

Travel Light

Morning world. How was your day yesterday? As good as mine? I hope so. I will start at the end and work my way into a good theme. Have so many themes in my head - every day I am touched by people and their circumstance that I learn more each day.

Left of the text is a logo of a Trust called 'Traveling Light'. A play on words, you understand!

Marja en Jan Verschoor have dedicated their lives to God and those needing help to re-integrate into the world without drugs and violence. Traveling Light is a trust deeply devoted to this cause and I cannot say anything else but that I have a deep respect for Marja and Jan in what and how they do what they do.

Marja spreads the news, alerts people about the activities and makes announcements for necessary fundraisers. Marja is an author and has a number of Blogs ( dutch and English) so as to keep everyone up to date, informed and enthused. Jan is a born servant of God's word. He is a frequent guest speaker and preacher in churches, at gatherings and the like. A wise man.

It strikes me, how come some people are so committed, enthusiastic, totally focussed? Yes, Marja would like a larger kitchen, new furniture and 'worldly' things as would Jan in a very modest way. They are never out of work, relocating elsewhere if the need arrises. They are so confident that the Lord will see to it that their income fits the budget they need to meet their daily needs. They are what I call ' beautiful people'.

Marja and Jan love to travel, they also prefer to travel light taking only the bare necessities with them. Their preference and their life's philosophy lent itself to an appropriate name for their trust. They also love to shine the light of their God into the lives of others, helping those in dark times, to see again.

Marja is also a writer of books, an authoress of some standing having been awarded the Literature Prize for Religious books in the states last year. There are 5 books out on the commandments of which 4 in English and one translated into dutch. Book number 5 is on it's way I believe.

Marja doesn't write about what we are asked NOT to do, but about what she thinks we SHOULD be doing! That the commandments aren't 'don't do this and don't do that' rules, but a litany of how we should live. So, not ' do not steal' but give, share- help. She also points out that it isn't only in money or things we are guilty of ' taking what isn't ours, but also in time, in friendships and in not sharing that we are taking away from others instead of enriching lives. Anyway, that in a nutshell to make you curious.

Like I said at the start... I keep meeting people who inspire me, touch me and shape me and Jan and Marja Verschoor (Meijers)  are 2 of those people. Through them I have met so many more. They have shone their light on me too and I thank them for that. I now need to be guided by that light to discover where my path leads...........

Renewing a friendship

" We have the ability and possibility to
allow all things (talents) to grow and be fruitful."
A message on the back of the card from Pieter.

Oh dear, snuck in again... a relapse! Why didn't I write something yesterday? No idea.

I had a really special day yesterday. Actually all days are special. Some pass more anonimously than others. That doesn't make them less special.

Last week I received an unexpected invite to have a 'catch up' visit with a very special person. After the first 2 years back home in the Netherlands, when life really took shape, I had a huge ' dip' to climb out of.

All of a sudden I became overwhelmed by emotions and fears that, although real to me, were actually unfounded. Only I needed help to see that, and get through it. That help was given to me by Pieter Megens. A life coach. What a tremendous support. What a great sense of humour, reality moments and wisdom. It was like landing in a warm bath. I felt so incredible listened to and 'rescued and restored'.

Anyway, Pieter and I go back a ways now and every so often we are in touch. The past 2 years have been heavy for him - and his wife, as she is slowly climbing out of a cancer cycle with the added burden of new hips etc. Yes, even 'life coaches' need life coaches occasionally.

Pieter's boot

Pieter and I vowed we would stay friends because we know too much about each other to become enemies. That would be too dangerous :-) ! Every now and then either he or I would drop a line... nothing mayor just letting the other know we were still around, and that is exactly what happened last week.

Yesterday I went to see Pieter on his boat he single handedly built the interior of. Great craftsmanship - he even surprised himself ( his words). And what made the visit so special was that Pieter didn't just 'dig' into my brain - he did listen after asking me to unravel the past few months - then he also shared his story. Like friends do.

After copious cups of coffee, laughter and frowns, sunshine and lots of wind we parted company with a promise of a trip next time. We hadn't really allowed enough time for that now plus the wind's strength wasn't very favourable. Good for yachties, not for this sloop.

It is Sunday- a gift!

A day of rest- a gift

Sunday, a day of rest. And that is what we are doing. Taking it easy - but not by being inactive. A phone call to an aunt, a phone call to pa and two visits to show we care, family we care day!

People who are no longer in their youthful years but aging. Ma Netten- 81 years old and already farewelled a husband and daughter ( Leen's first wife), tante Jaantje at 85 and a widow for the past 20 years, not in good health. Pa-, alone for the past 15 years and at 84 still trying to stay independant. Tante Lien 'only' 72, farewelled 2 husbands  and last Friday lost her nephew who was like a son to her. Our Sunday- a day to give our time and attention to those dear to us.

That doesn't mean others aren't as special. A visit to my children would have been awesome to have been able to make, but isn't on the cards just at present. A visit to other family members... will also happen but not today! For now, we made a choice and on another Sunday others will see us appear on their doorstep.

Family, blood ties or not, people who are dear to us. People who play a part in our lives- near or far. Time, one of our most precious gifts - and the love we share. It is Sunday!

Biesbosch

A long day, satisfying and a full day and tiring day.....

Airing the bedding a springtime chore!

It started by getting the groceries at 8 am, walked to the vege market at 10 am with Leen and off to " the keet" in the Hollandse Biesbosch bij 11:30.

I slept like a baby last night. Without a care in the world.

Yesterday a prayer was answered. Funnily enough I just read a piece about not worrying and how we are told that to worry is to not have confidence that the Lord will provide.

Sometimes I feel so silly- I know that prayer and conversing with God helps, yet when I feel really stressed I seem to forget that lifeline, and I did just that.

So today, after feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt ready to conquer the world and enjoy all which may come on my path.

And just as well I had the energy needed to do all that was required. We, a small group of enthusiasts, are guides in this National Park. We are responsible for preserving and passing on information about this area, it's purpose and history. That brings with it responsibilities and tasks so we can do history  and the people who made it, justice.

We tell visitors about how important this area and the willow that grows here was, and still is, for the dutch culture and water projects. That the hardships here were unthinkable in todays world and that the living and working conditions would challenge any hardy person and now, this piece of the universe is history.

We are in charge of a small brick dwelling we call a 'keet'. We maintain this dwelling in a state of usefulness and the way it may have looked in 1935-40. We are proud to tell others about this way of life that has now been delegated to the past.

Curious about this subject and special place, leave me a message and I will explain in more detail.

Who is your family

Friday evening. It has been a full on week. Activities galore. Monday organising the shopping for our family day with pa. Tuesday baking and making preparing the lunch. Wednesday amongst the winmills at Kinderdijk ( all 17 of them) our family day fishing contest and later on dinner at the Wok restaurant in Papendrecht. Thursday I spent 6,5 hours hard on gardening...well not just weeding you understand, but hard on with the heavy stuff. A sparkling moment when I chopped the extension cord with the hedge trimmer. No damage done, except for the cord that is. Has a new plug on it now. I used it today... After I shortened the other and one accidentally blew a fuse this time. New plug coming up and the fuse has been replaced.

I had plenty of time to think about family today ( again). My cousin Renè called in at the caravan - to pick up a parcel he is going to take to New Zealand on Sunday. He is going to visit Trees ( my cousin on mum's side) and my oom Wim ( dad's youngest brother) they married almost 50 years ago.

My relationship with Renè is special. It is a mixture of cousin, brother and best friend. He supported me and encouraged me in my first few years back home. He believed in me and my ability to achieve all I wanted to achieve.

My oom Wim, my dad's youngest brother. Ever since I can remember he is my favourite uncle on dad's side. Now he is struggling with cancer... It hurts. He feels much like a father figure...wise, gentle, cheerful, consoling just like a dad can be. Oom Wim is married to a cousin on my mum's side. Trees, or Teresa as she is known in New Zealand. A wise person..no nonsense type and very caring - an older sister. Things aren't always what they seem or are labelled.

Then Andreas called in. Andreas is a young man, newly married and related to my next door neighbour. He isn't your family, I hear you think. Wrong! He may not be a blood tie, but Andreas and I share faith. We are both believers. We belong to the faith family. We discussed why he came outside on the deck....then during a cloud burst we retreated indoors and chatted about our faith.

Faith in that when things go wrong, they do come right - with faith. That we don't necessarily feel good, or happy go lucky all the time- but with positive thoughts, prayer and faith- we can turn the tide.

I LOVE my children and grandchildren- my family. They are so far away in miles but when I close my eyes I can almost touch them, smell them, ALMOST! My children are my energy, my dreams, my pride and hope my lifeline.

What is family? People who matter. Connected by blood line, by name and by faith... Family, celebrate it.

I digress

I promised to write about family today.

And I spent lots of time on the subject matter while mowing three lawns and trimming plenty of trees. Glad I did too, heaps to do and needed dry weather to do it in.

Now the weather changed. Code orange. About half an hour ago it was total bedlam outside.... Sirens whisked past so someone had a bad experience. Maybe flash flooding. Who knows.

How intricate the weather system is. Yesterday we had our Family day. Lightly and partly cloudy, plenty of warm moments, licht breeze, around 20 degrees. Today, lighter sky till noon, then cloudy, VERY warm- 24 degrees and humid.

Tonight 100 kph winds, heavy thunder and lightening and torrential rain. It is wind still now, a sort of weird after that violence. Leen is at a meeting at the City Council. I'm off to bed early....whacked after extreme physical work today. Nothing much on tv. Summer season- all reruns.

So, the family story will have to wait.

Fishing fun

What a day.... Sunshine, that was a surprise.

A mammoth record fish caught, and ....saved the best for last: a new baby and all that on today the 32nd annual family day. One new family member, born during our annual family get together. How wonderful is that?

Tantje Jaantje proud to be great (oma) grandmother. Leen's cousin Adrie a proud ( opa) grandad of his first grandson, already having two cutie pie granddaughters.

It brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps on my arms...... Shucks.

Today we celebrated Indi's arrival. Now that is reason to celebrate.

I am going to muse over this phenomena- family and being an oma. After a good night's rest I will have a clearer head about what I want to say over that matter.

It was a busy day.... Drinks, coffee, food for all and being the chief kitchen hand I was rushed of my feet. They need an early night and it is 23:30 already. Nite nite for now and till tomorrow.

A family gathering

Wednesday 20 June 2012. is the date for the 32 nd annual Family Fish Day.

For the past 33 years Leen's family, on his mum's side, have held a family day. This entailes gathering together at around 9:30 am, drinking a cuppa while re-aquainting with relatives only sighted once a year. Then the fun begins.

The theme has always been ' fishing'. That means, you draw a number, get allocated a fishing spot, catch fish ( yeah right) have it measured and flip it back into the water. During the fishing period, the contestants ( and others) are watered and fed at the waters edge. A halt is called at 12:30 with an hour for lunch - I just buttered 80 bread rolls and 20 currant buns and baked 3 cakes doubling the recipes so as to have enough to go round!

Then there is a second draw. Another fishing spot and the fishing starts again till 16:30. The catch is kept a secret from all contestants. No-one knows how " long" the fish is and from who. Not till dinner and the trophy is handed over.

Drinkies at the end of the fishing spree...then a quick change and off to the restaurant for dinner. The attendance varies as some come all day, some join after lunch and others come for dinner. After all these years the event still attracts many family members, we now have 4 generations attending.

Seeing the whole family is present I use the occasion too to celebrate special moments of my own- so the birth of my granddaughter got the appropriate attention

Families- fun- support - friendship.

More tomorrow, now it's time for bed, an early start in the morning.

A too full an agenda

Having spent a restless night with VERY little sleep I found myself being agitated at little hitches that plagued my day.

After a rather heavy storm which passed overhead I picked up pa and we ordered the bits and bobs for the family day on Wednesday.

Later on I took the waterbus/ferry to Dordrecht so I could complete the purchases for my cousin Trees in NZ. My cousin René is going over next Sunday. He will be able to see how things are with oom Wim and also be there when Trees and oom Wim celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

I spent the rest of the day working on the 2 sites really. Looking around for some more site information, writing some bits and bobs and trying to get my head round my strategie on that book I am wanting to get out.

The next couple of days will be activities for the up and coming family day, as I need to bake and get the rest of the catering organised. Do love doing that though.... I don't work outside the home at present and that may just be as well.


My eyes are stinging a bit - must be the fatigue and lack of sleep so won't be making it too late tonight.

Had a phone call from Pieter Megens. My mentor and coach from a few years back. I don't believe in coincidences and his timing was perfect. Will go and see him next Monday. Weather wise if in favour we will go for a boat jaunt in his new launch. I've only seen it in it's raw state with Pieter himself wanting to complete the interior himself.

It'll be good to run my ideas past him and pick up the necessary wise comments and advice.

Well, signing off tonight not feeling like I have written what I wanted but at least managed to stay awake long enough to do what I set out to do.

My bed is calling me, I can hear it......... ttfn and till tomorrow.

Honour your father and your mother

Last Tuesday evening Arie my brother- in- law, Leen and I decided it might be cool to take pa away for an overnight stay this weekend.

Planning on the short term. Weather looked promising, we felt pa could do with the attention and 'spoil me' content so without much ado we got sorted. Thursday Leen booked two rooms at a hotel, in a historic building in a pictoresque township which once was my ' home' for 14 months, called Woudrichem. We had a ball. Pa was ( once again) kidnapped and whisked off and let us surprise him for the next 24 hours, and surprise him we did. Topping it off with a dinner on the second day pa returned home tired, pleased and lost for words. It is such a treat to spoil that man. Happy with little - overjoyed with everything that comes his way. I sometimes wonder who gets the biggest thrill.





Daily in my thoughts, my parents live on in my memory. On trips like this I miss them soooo much. I would like to think that I did my utmost for them while they made up part of my life. Reflecting back, there are so many loving memories of times spent together, I am sure that they too enjoyed our special moments.

Honour your father and your mother - a commandment many strive to meet, others fail to understand. It isn't only in what you do for them, also what you do with them and because of who they are.

Today- is NOW

Saturday... the start of another weekend.

End of week 24 of the calendar year. Here in the Netherlands ( and possibly elsewhere) many organisations and businesses work in terms of week numbers. Not dates. I had to really get used to that. At school too. Now, I only know which week it is because it says so on my calendar.

I wonder actually how it would be not to have a calendar, or diary for that matter. Could we still live like that? Are we game to let all that pre-planning go....? Is it, in this wondrous world of ours, possible to live each day as it comes? Accepting the situation at hand and make the most of our days in this manner.

I did have a year in which I planned no further than two weeks in advance. It was quite hard really.. at first. I was determined to keep it up a whole year. Yes, there were moments when I didn't adhere too strictly - but it did make me VERY aware of how we get caught up in the
futuristic living towards - and loose some of the joys of the here and now. Try making an appointment with a friend or friends to share time ( impromptu).

Two scenarios. It is mid May and the weather is improving after a long cold and dark winter-

• a. "When shall we have a bbq people? When suits?" and everyone dives into their diaries... and it appears it is well into Autumn before ALL are available on the same date
• b. " We are having a BBQ on the 20th June... how many of you can make it"? and once again all dive into the diaries - and only a handful are available, the BBQ is a great success - with a small group there is more scope to talk to each other.

Now, no diary:

• a. " right, day after tomorrow we are BBqing - who-ever wants to join us, Feel free to do so." Everyone nods. That evening the garden is jam packed with friends all sharing time, energy and friendship. MMmmm... would it really work like that?

I also plan. And I love the preparations. Before an impending holiday it is fun to prepare, I have the house well organised, I look forward to the trip, I take care to pack what I think I might need. The day of departure as already been topic of discussion..... planning is part of the fun. Last year I planned an Garden Party.... had weeks of fun doing so!

I think what I loose sight of sometimes ( and I am jolly sure I am not alone) is that in wanting to 'do' everything we over book our lives and ourselves. Maybe that's the answer, it might all be fun - but so is just ' being' and enjoying what IS and to not always to assume that what is to come will bring even MORE joy!

Enjoy the NOW!

Rain or shine, it's just fine!

I woke up this morning and like a past 3 mornings, it was dry outside. My first thought...oh good, I'll hang out the washing as soon as I have read the paper.

Yes well, famous last thoughts. It is in the dryer as I type. It has rained for most of the day. It set me to thinking. How 'lost' we can become if our day doesn't take shape or unfold as we imagine it ought.

Now I am a flexible type...have always got an inside and outside list of things to do. But I do know there are those who haven't got such an easy to get at reset button. What happens to those people? Do they dive back into bed, throw up their arms in the air with desperation in their eyes? Flake out on the couch? Mmmm. How do they cope?

I picked up pa (my father- in- law) and we did the grocery shopping for our family day. It's the 32nd gathering of it's kind this year. Next Wednesday is tagged to hold this special event. Every year on the third Wednesday of June. Rain or no rain, blistering sun or not..... No-one needs to push any buttons. We just forge on regardless and relentlessly. So amazing, so many layers of family ( 4 generations).

After returning him home, I met up with my cousin René. He is off to NZ next weekend (24th) for 4 weeks. We had planned to sit outside on the terrace along the river.... But flexi cuzzies that we are, we sat inside, behind glass along the river. Two cappuccinos followed by two wines later we parted company. It was dry. The clouds had managed to lift their spirits as we had, and gave the impression that we could expect less water from above. For the time being anyway.

Did it matter it rained...? No not one iota. The washing is dry, the chores got done and I had one of the sunniest days for a long time and didn't need sunblock!

Happy days, wet or fine, dull or with sunshine.

Friendship

Almost 12 years ago I returned home to the Netherlands. Not that NZ wasn't a home for me all the years I was privileged to live there, but it did feel different. That difference was quite plain once I resettled myself and joined the daily humdrum and routines of daily life. Two sorts of relationships with two different countries. Yet the same. A strange experience I can tell you. Still baffles me when I think about it.

Last Saturday was one of those moments that emotion was hugely present whilst I attended a book presentation in Leeuwarden, my dad's place of birth and where I spent my adolencent years and young adulthood.

With locals, on holiday from NZ frisians and others we sang the NZ anthem in both Maori and dutch. Tears welled up, goodebumps on my arms my emotions bubbled up to the surface. I felt a strong bond with these people it felt like family.

Last night I watched the soccer match between the Netherlands and Germany. The national anthem was played for both teams. I sang the National anthem whilst sitting on the couch.... Goosebumps again. A strong feeling of belonging like which I experienced the Saturday before.



You could say that I am privileged to have two homelands. And in some ways it is. It is also a heavy burden. My children have a different home than I do. They are welcome here...but NZ is their home. Reece has in some ways, my experience. His home is NZ but also due to the nature of his realtionship, birthplace of Ros, Kirk and Max is Australia his home now... And here will also be home for him should he ever want and be able to visit.

With the birth of Indi, second daughter of Steve and Kylie this distance, this fenomena of " home" is once again food for lots of thought. I know I have a strong sense of belonging here... But that brings with it a strong sense of yearning. Not of regret, but a feeling of whishfulness. Of separtedness, of sadness and the knowledge that " hopping accross that great ditch" not always realisable is...certainly not in the situation at present.

In my heart and in my thoughts I am close to my children and grandchildren. They are part of my day. Although the contact is regular... And I am " kept in the loop" so to speak, I cannot ever get too much requests for skype, for messages, for txts on my phone. They keep me connected and close. They are my life line. Without the contact I would certainly feel allienated. Cut off from what feeds me- the love I have for my children.

Sometimes when I start writing I have no idea what it will be about, sometimes I have a plan. Tonight I let my fingers do the walking- no plan!

Mid week-Wednesday

For some Hump Day, for others mid week. For us, fish day. Father-in-law arrives every Wednesday round 12:30 and joins us for lunch. A fishy lunch. He has been doing that for years and we just hope he can continue to do so. Otherwise we will just take the fish to him!

We noticed recently that my father-in-law isn't quite his sprightly self. His energy level has dropped dramatically though he wants to give the impression there is nothing wrong. We expect much from our children when they are young. To pick up all this information, to become more independent, to " grow up" with the result we chase them through childhood into adulthood.

Now, the roles are reversed. We take care of pa with things that are now beyond him. We want to
" take the sting" out of his daily doings. I notice we pop in more often. Last week when he showed signs of stress and fatigue I unpacked and stored his shopping. We have explained repeatedly how his car locking system works. Just push the button twice pa, then all the doors are unlocked. Yes, the one with the open lock pictogram. No, that one locks the car. No to lock you don't have to push the button twice, once locks everything. Poor man. Must be so confusing to have gone from a key central locking system to a ' just push the button' system. Still we understand the confusion and are patient with him while he learns new tricks.

Yet on the home front, he has a computer. Just so he can listen to organ music and look at a couple of hobby youtube films. Arie, my brother in law has taught him how to use the computer, and how to 'click' on his films and shut them off. He has a list with steps and loves it when it works. He does have a great back up system if it doesn't work. "I just switch it off and watch tv".

Pa, a lovely soft hearted man, becoming more and more aware of his fragility, his humanness. He himself is aware he is becoming frailer and more vulnerable. Tries to hide it, but it is already obvious to us. At 84, he still drives ( for now) cooks for two as my brother-in-law who is single, eats with dad every day, does his own shopping and because he is mobile doesn't 'sit around'. He enjoys reasonable health, has home help for 3 hours a week and has a sunny disposition.

We enjoy going places and sharing time with him while we can.

One step at a time

Another day another dollar - so the saying goes! Well, I don't know about the dollar but here we are, another day.

Funny how things change just when you think you have a handle on stuff. Yesterday started well, I had all the best intentions of the world - and then it all fell apart. What a disappointment is that! Never mind, I took it in my stride, adjusted my expectations and took it on the chin. I spent half the day in bed, sleeping like a baby. I must have needed it I hear you think!! I was VERY disappointed that I couldn't fulfill my promise to myself - to clean up my office, but in having said that I now have the energy it will take to do so.

Today I aim to do a catch up. I have got a few ideas for my BLOGs and websites and hope to work on the albums " in the make". A long list, but exciting and I am keen to accomplish things to day to my satisfaction. I've got till tonight - the day is but young.

Funny, I feel awful when I cannot complete a promise to others, but I also feel that disappointment when I cannot complete a promise to myself. I used to beat down on myself when this happened, now I don't chastise myself, just am disappointed. Saves a lot of valuable energy.

Enough about me. I heard a sad story today about a young woman/girl who has been harassed on Internet and has unfortunately taken the insults to heart. How heartbreaking that must be, for all those who love her. The happy part is that she is surrounded by positive loving people who support her and will accompany her on her walk back to happier times.

What is it about people that makes them want to lash out, to damage and hurt another human being? Is it their own insecurity, their own desire to be 'boss'  powerful in some way? I cannot for the life of me imagine that in being a bully that it gives satisfaction. How deplorably sad these people must be themselves.

All I can think of is that they too are hurting and by hurting another they feel their pain less. Imagine, you have back ache. It hurts and you think about it all day. The while eating dinner, you break a piece of tooth. Ouch! This pain is stabbing, numbing and for a while you forget about your backache. One pain overrides the other. It doesn't in any way excuse their behaviour, but does in effect explain it. All I can imagine then is that there isn't someone to take that pain away, loving people who can guide them and console them in their pain. Victims are apparently easy to find..... and why are they ( the victims) so vulnerable? Is this a modern day trend? or is it more in focus now with the social media and communication possibilities with which we inform the world.

Many years ago I read this on a A4 piece for paper on a wall somewhere

Believe in yourself

and in your plan

say not " I cannot"

but that " I can".

The joys of life we fail to win

Because I doubt

"The Power within".

I love that and believe in this statement hides many a truth. It can be applied to any situation - one's plan for one's life, in who we are and who we want to be, who we aspire to be -

BELIEVE IN 'THAT YOU CAN' !!